Mute Not Thyself

but why listen to me?

19 May 2011

Gao Ren Guan

Tall Man Restaurant.

5 times in 7 days - i think we're addicted to the food there.

Mother's Day celebration. Friend's farewell dinner. Lazy-to-cook days. It's all happening here.

We've haven't had a bad meal there - yet.
The food comes out speedily.
The waitresses know us by our 3rd meal - how can they not, having seen us just about everyday.
They speak to us in perfect Mandarin while we stumble along with our unpolished dialect, making them laugh uncertainly at first and now giggling openly.
The dessert is awesome. Both the herbal option and the unhealthily sweet option.
The spicy dishes aren't too spicy.
The price is really reasonable.
You don't get an unquenchable thirst (that one normally would get eating out in Malaysia) - meaning that they use quality products to cook!
Only an unquenchable desire to eat more!!!

I think its the radioactive disaster in japan causing a minor fear among japanese food eaters, forcing us to source out an alternative foodie spot.

What a find!
I lift my teacup in salute to more Tall Man days.

6 May 2011

Someone has stolen our tent!

Sherlock Holmes and his loyal friend Watson went together on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his friend awake.

"Watson," he said, "look up at the sky and tell me what you see"

"I see millions and millions of stars," Watson replied.

"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.

Watson pondered the question and then said, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute before speaking. "Watson, you idiot!" he said with a measure of restraint. "Someone has stolent our tent!"

2 November 2010


check out ms. binary birthday!

being alone has its advantages. but being alone has kinda become my expectation of life. i swing between craving company and shunning it. sometimes having company over makes me dread the idea of entertaining guests and being hostess ... but then once company goes home, i miss socializing. i can't seem to make up my mind.

what's a birthday girl to do on her birthday? The night before, i drove out at about 11.30pm with the intention of getting to KL and sitting by myself in the middle of the social mess and embrace my solitude come midnight. It is absolutely refreshing and calming. And i realize that this moment will never come again in my life - the purity of solitude in the midst of structures of life. I'm feeling pretty special - who says 23rd bdays can't be special?

The morning is spent in utter care-freeness. I did not rush, did not panic, did not bother /care if it's lunch time, or if i had a schedule to adhere to. Plans are not made, they were thought of and done ... somewhat in the time of Pei. But one thing was certain, i need to finish some food in the fridge and a birthday omelette is just right up my alley - eggs, tuna, corn. Proper protein stuff. And i bought some groceries to prepare for a certain fried rice day. A stick of bread, some spicy sauce, healthy cereal, sardines, vege. I'm sure the assortment of stuff will make a decent meal someday.

I took a drive to subang lakes in the evening. the weather has been so mild of late, nice breeze, gentle sun.... almost too good to pass up an evening by the lakes. It has been everything that I wanted. Sure, i had not met a soul since turning 23, i had no company, no big celebratory shouts, or heightened emotional moments - but at that point in time, it is everything that i wanted to experience for a birthday. I can always throw a birthday party next year.. or the birthday after.. or whenever, but having a moment to myself -- that's going to be so rare in life and I wanted to savour it and remember it, and understand what it means to be alone.

Then i emptied my purse of all my little dollar bills and headed to the bakery for a cake.
Why not? For the past 5 years, i've always wanted to have a birthday cake but being overseas means that you can't exactly afford to empty your piggy bank just to eat some cake. And getting a slice of cake for the sake of eating cake on birthday is just plain sad. So this year, i'm doing pathetic cake-eating session in style. RM 23 got me the whole chocolate mousse cake. Tiramisu was RM 2 extra but i was lazy to walk back to the car just to get more change. I've only got RM 24 and i'm following fate's prescription.

And the guy who boxed my cake asked if i wanted anything written on it - and i considered it for one morbid moment before deciding that it'd be too weird to be eating my birthday cake, that i bought for myself, with dedications from myself. But i'm not too shameless to request some candles. People need candles in life - if not for cake!

SO now..... i suppose i've completed a birthday celebration solo style! Its not that i didn't want anyone around for my birthday - of course, more than any other time of my 4-week solitude i WISH there was someone there. But i'm not going to inform or drop shameless hints about my birthday. If there is someone who would really want to celebrate with me, they would be planning it out with me ages ago - or teaming up with other friends to do something , especially knowing that i will be alone this time round.

I know this is what I would have done for a friend - without her having to drop hints about being alone or having a birthday. I'd have stepped up first and ask about birthday plans. If they want to spend it alone, they'd tell you. And i believe in doing for ppl what you want them do for (to) you. Treat your friends as you would have them treat you.

I don't have any regrets at all. It turned out the way it turned out to be. I'm absolutely chuffed!

And now that it's over, it's really just been another day in all our lives. But hey, i didnt' notice the pendulumish number until my student's mum handed me the monthly cheque - 011110 - quite pretty.

Also, i find out that one of my best friends is going to be engaged... that sounds warped as ppl usually say "about to be married" .... but yes, plans are about, a semi-informal proposal was said, so... i suppose its a proper engagement just without an official bling ring - right......ok then. Everyone's unique and has their own personal style of doing things! I'd be the last one to judge.

26 July 2010

momentous may

backtracking a little from current time:

early May - assignments all handed in for 11th may 2010
mid May - laptop drowned in an unfortunate accident of cup spilling (which is why i quit blogger cold turkey)
20th May - master's final recital. the feeling was truly like a baptism. i came out a different person and musician. i think that was the true sense of musicianship being cultivated. in computer game analogy, i think i gained 10,000 experience points. suddenly, i felt like i had all the potential of the world and could quite possibly be supernatural.

26th-27th May - birth of friend's baby, Nathan. now that's another few thousand life experience points gained. its unbelievable, what a mother has to go through for a baby. and i may not be the most important person to the baby, but at the point, i was all the mother had (and midwife, who was really more interested in the baby and contraction monitors and digits and lines and graphs than anything else)

i was the one on my feet all night to day, holding gas mask for the mother, rubbing her back whenever contractions come round, trying to be supportive and living through every contraction till i felt so helpless that i was about to burst into tears myself. of course, its all nothing in perspective to what she must be feeling - a never ending cycle of contractions for more than 24 hours (even after all possible methods used to quicken the contraction process) and STILL NO BABY!

and there was a point in the contraction when its just taken the toll on mum and i must insist on her reconsidering to take an epidural. I just cannot imagine that its only going to get worse before anything happens at all.. and if its this unbearable at 5-6cm dilation, theres at least another halfway to go! And this is after 18 hours contracting!!! o m g. that was the point i realized that i just don't recognize the woman in front of me. this is not my friend. this is some crazy woman groaning in pain, hair all askew, and her features have grown more and more distant from herself.

thankfully, epidural was agreed upon. administered an hour later (shocking). got working (20mins later - sighhh) Then she has calmed down significantly that i can go home to shower and eat (i havent changed from a performance the day before, and no dinner, no breakfast, no lunch, and its then 3.30pm on 27th may)
i would've been checked into the psych ward soon if i didnt leave the hospital to get a reality check on myself and remember what a regular day was like (food, shower, sleep).
was back at the ward by 6.30pm. and STILL no progress on dilation! so by this time, we're facing the reality of C-sec. it has been more than 24 hours for the mum already and at some point the uterus is bound to collapse from exhaustion of contraction. personally, i dont think anyone else can take anymore of this.
issue a decree: the baby must come out

So, by 8.30pm she was being prepped in the op theatre. i got to wear scrubs and surgical hat. goes well with my ever loyal and steady Pirates of Caribbean crocs, bob marley pants, and eiffel tower shirt.
baby out by 9.15pm. after it peed *woosh*, cord was snipped and cleaned, with some basic vitals noted down (4.42kg!) it was wrapped in a white towel and the pediatrician asked if i wanted to hold the baby... "err.. me?" ..... yes.... *plonks baby into my arms* without waiting to hear if i had any questions about holding a newborn.

and my, it was HEAVY! it was long - from my shoulder to shoulder. its almost as big as me lah. and it was hungry! (mouth working the 'O' shape). it still smelt of the stomach, had little blood stains on his hair. It was a fresh baby. there's no other description for it than that. It doesn't get any fresher than that!
after a while the nurse put the baby back into cot and she got me to wheel it into recovery room.

now i don't know what other doctors or potential dads lurking around the corridors are thinking: but a petite Asian girl wheeling out a big Nigerian baby boy is most certainly not the right picture!

i was the first one to carry him
i was the one to wheel him out to recovery
i got his grandad from the waiting lounge into the ward
i was the one who told grandpa "it's a boy"
i took his first pictures with his mother
and yet i'm nobody to this kid.

i wonder if we're all like that when we're babies. so greedy and demanding. having the whole batallion of midwives and doctors at his beck and call, family living and waiting in a limbo for his arrival. Even I had to adhere to his timing - resulting in a postponed rehearsal for our big klezmer performance. maybe we're all born greedy and selfish. And we're the big fat hope of planet earth.

5 July 2010

the long and torturous process

of an update.

darn it. i've left it too late!

april may june

all flew past me.

i'll try my best to recapture some brilliant moments in my life

31 March 2010

in the pixel-steps of

regina carter:

ninified, in lookalike-shot:
(may have a thing or two to learn yet but
its a start...)

13 March 2010

ain't no sunshine...

let me be a sap and say that i truly miss DH. i've never realized how much a profound effect he has on me, but i think that might have something to do with the fact that i'm leaving this country in a few months and will never ever have this experience again.

and the weather has justified my feelings (for once!) its all dreary and moody... mouldy weather.

"Aint no sunshine when he's gone......."

on another note, i was informed that there was a good review of our concert that we did. what i WASNT informed was an unflattering pic of me "digging deep".

but i do find it musingly funny how i am now Miss Anne, instead of Miss Yeoh.
ps: yes, i still have this inner urge to run my hand over his beard... if only i was allowed to...