Mute Not Thyself

Gao Ren Guan

2011-05-19T23:26:00.002+10:00

Tall Man Restaurant.

5 times in 7 days - i think we're addicted to the food there.

Mother's Day celebration. Friend's farewell dinner. Lazy-to-cook days. It's all happening here.

We've haven't had a bad meal there - yet.

The food comes out speedily.

The waitresses know us by our 3rd meal - how can they not, having seen us just about everyday.

They speak to us in perfect Mandarin while we stumble along with our unpolished dialect, making them laugh uncertainly at first and now giggling openly.

The dessert is awesome. Both the herbal option and the unhealthily sweet option.

The spicy dishes aren't too spicy.

The price is really reasonable.

You don't get an unquenchable thirst (that one normally would get eating out in Malaysia) - meaning that they use quality products to cook!

Only an unquenchable desire to eat more!!!

I think its the radioactive disaster in japan causing a minor fear among japanese food eaters, forcing us to source out an alternative foodie spot.

What a find!

I lift my teacup in salute to more Tall Man days.

Someone has stolen our tent!

2011-05-06T17:04:00.002+10:00

Sherlock Holmes and his loyal friend Watson went together on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his friend awake.

"Watson," he said, "look up at the sky and tell me what you see"

"I see millions and millions of stars," Watson replied.

"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.

Watson pondered the question and then said, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute before speaking. "Watson, you idiot!" he said with a measure of restraint. "Someone has stolent our tent!"

011110

2010-11-02T01:40:00.005+10:00

check out ms. binary birthday!

being alone has its advantages. but being alone has kinda become my expectation of life. i swing between craving company and shunning it. sometimes having company over makes me dread the idea of entertaining guests and being hostess ... but then once company goes home, i miss socializing. i can't seem to make up my mind.

what's a birthday girl to do on her birthday? The night before, i drove out at about 11.30pm with the intention of getting to KL and sitting by myself in the middle of the social mess and embrace my solitude come midnight. It is absolutely refreshing and calming. And i realize that this moment will never come again in my life - the purity of solitude in the midst of structures of life. I'm feeling pretty special - who says 23rd bdays can't be special?

The morning is spent in utter care-freeness. I did not rush, did not panic, did not bother /care if it's lunch time, or if i had a schedule to adhere to. Plans are not made, they were thought of and done ... somewhat in the time of Pei. But one thing was certain, i need to finish some food in the fridge and a birthday omelette is just right up my alley - eggs, tuna, corn. Proper protein stuff. And i bought some groceries to prepare for a certain fried rice day. A stick of bread, some spicy sauce, healthy cereal, sardines, vege. I'm sure the assortment of stuff will make a decent meal someday.

I took a drive to subang lakes in the evening. the weather has been so mild of late, nice breeze, gentle sun.... almost too good to pass up an evening by the lakes. It has been everything that I wanted. Sure, i had not met a soul since turning 23, i had no company, no big celebratory shouts, or heightened emotional moments - but at that point in time, it is everything that i wanted to experience for a birthday. I can always throw a birthday party next year.. or the birthday after.. or whenever, but having a moment to myself -- that's going to be so rare in life and I wanted to savour it and remember it, and understand what it means to be alone.

Then i emptied my purse of all my little dollar bills and headed to the bakery for a cake.

Why not? For the past 5 years, i've always wanted to have a birthday cake but being overseas means that you can't exactly afford to empty your piggy bank just to eat some cake. And getting a slice of cake for the sake of eating cake on birthday is just plain sad. So this year, i'm doing pathetic cake-eating session in style. RM 23 got me the whole chocolate mousse cake. Tiramisu was RM 2 extra but i was lazy to walk back to the car just to get more change. I've only got RM 24 and i'm following fate's prescription.

And the guy who boxed my cake asked if i wanted anything written on it - and i considered it for one morbid moment before deciding that it'd be too weird to be eating my birthday cake, that i bought for myself, with dedications from myself. But i'm not too shameless to request some candles. People need candles in life - if not for cake!

SO now..... i suppose i've completed a birthday celebration solo style! Its not that i didn't want anyone around for my birthday - of course, more than any other time of my 4-week solitude i WISH there was someone there. But i'm not going to inform or drop shameless hints about my birthday. If there is someone who would really want to celebrate with me, they would be planning it out with me ages ago - or teaming up with other friends to do something , especially knowing that i will be alone this time round.

I know this is what I would have done for a friend - without her having to drop hints about being alone or having a birthday. I'd have stepped up first and ask about birthday plans. If they want to spend it alone, they'd tell you. And i believe in doing for ppl what you want them do for (to) you. Treat your friends as you would have them treat you.

I don't have any regrets at all. It turned out the way it turned out to be. I'm absolutely chuffed!

And now that it's over, it's really just been another day in all our lives. But hey, i didnt' notice the pendulumish number until my student's mum handed me the monthly cheque - 011110 - quite pretty.

Also, i find out that one of my best friends is going to be engaged... that sounds warped as ppl usually say "about to be married" .... but yes, plans are about, a semi-informal proposal was said, so... i suppose its a proper engagement just without an official bling ring - right......ok then. Everyone's unique and has their own personal style of doing things! I'd be the last one to judge.

momentous may

2010-07-26T19:20:00.005+10:00

backtracking a little from current time:

early May - assignments all handed in for 11th may 2010

mid May - laptop drowned in an unfortunate accident of cup spilling (which is why i quit blogger cold turkey)

20th May - master's final recital. the feeling was truly like a baptism. i came out a different person and musician. i think that was the true sense of musicianship being cultivated. in computer game analogy, i think i gained 10,000 experience points. suddenly, i felt like i had all the potential of the world and could quite possibly be supernatural.

26th-27th May - birth of friend's baby, Nathan. now that's another few thousand life experience points gained. its unbelievable, what a mother has to go through for a baby. and i may not be the most important person to the baby, but at the point, i was all the mother had (and midwife, who was really more interested in the baby and contraction monitors and digits and lines and graphs than anything else)

i was the one on my feet all night to day, holding gas mask for the mother, rubbing her back whenever contractions come round, trying to be supportive and living through every contraction till i felt so helpless that i was about to burst into tears myself. of course, its all nothing in perspective to what she must be feeling - a never ending cycle of contractions for more than 24 hours (even after all possible methods used to quicken the contraction process) and STILL NO BABY!

and there was a point in the contraction when its just taken the toll on mum and i must insist on her reconsidering to take an epidural. I just cannot imagine that its only going to get worse before anything happens at all.. and if its this unbearable at 5-6cm dilation, theres at least another halfway to go! And this is after 18 hours contracting!!! o m g. that was the point i realized that i just don't recognize the woman in front of me. this is not my friend. this is some crazy woman groaning in pain, hair all askew, and her features have grown more and more distant from herself.

thankfully, epidural was agreed upon. administered an hour later (shocking). got working (20mins later - sighhh) Then she has calmed down significantly that i can go home to shower and eat (i havent changed from a performance the day before, and no dinner, no breakfast, no lunch, and its then 3.30pm on 27th may)

i would've been checked into the psych ward soon if i didnt leave the hospital to get a reality check on myself and remember what a regular day was like (food, shower, sleep).

was back at the ward by 6.30pm. and STILL no progress on dilation! so by this time, we're facing the reality of C-sec. it has been more than 24 hours for the mum already and at some point the uterus is bound to collapse from exhaustion of contraction. personally, i dont think anyone else can take anymore of this.

issue a decree: the baby must come out

So, by 8.30pm she was being prepped in the op theatre. i got to wear scrubs and surgical hat. goes well with my ever loyal and steady Pirates of Caribbean crocs, bob marley pants, and eiffel tower shirt.

baby out by 9.15pm. after it peed *woosh*, cord was snipped and cleaned, with some basic vitals noted down (4.42kg!) it was wrapped in a white towel and the pediatrician asked if i wanted to hold the baby... "err.. me?" ..... yes.... *plonks baby into my arms* without waiting to hear if i had any questions about holding a newborn.

and my, it was HEAVY! it was long - from my shoulder to shoulder. its almost as big as me lah. and it was hungry! (mouth working the 'O' shape). it still smelt of the stomach, had little blood stains on his hair. It was a fresh baby. there's no other description for it than that. It doesn't get any fresher than that!

after a while the nurse put the baby back into cot and she got me to wheel it into recovery room.

now i don't know what other doctors or potential dads lurking around the corridors are thinking: but a petite Asian girl wheeling out a big Nigerian baby boy is most certainly not the right picture!

i was the first one to carry him

i was the one to wheel him out to recovery

i got his grandad from the waiting lounge into the ward

i was the one who told grandpa "it's a boy"

i took his first pictures with his mother

and yet i'm nobody to this kid.

i wonder if we're all like that when we're babies. so greedy and demanding. having the whole batallion of midwives and doctors at his beck and call, family living and waiting in a limbo for his arrival. Even I had to adhere to his timing - resulting in a postponed rehearsal for our big klezmer performance. maybe we're all born greedy and selfish. And we're the big fat hope of planet earth.

the long and torturous process

2010-07-05T18:54:00.002+10:00

of an update.

darn it. i've left it too late!

april may june

all flew past me.

i'll try my best to recapture some brilliant moments in my life

in the pixel-steps of

2010-03-31T01:16:00.004+10:00

regina carter:

ninified, in lookalike-shot:

(may have a thing or two to learn yet but

its a start...)

ain't no sunshine...

2010-03-13T03:00:00.002+10:00

let me be a sap and say that i truly miss DH. i've never realized how much a profound effect he has on me, but i think that might have something to do with the fact that i'm leaving this country in a few months and will never ever have this experience again.

and the weather has justified my feelings (for once!) its all dreary and moody... mouldy weather.

"Aint no sunshine when he's gone......."

on another note, i was informed that there was a good review of our concert that we did. what i WASNT informed was an unflattering pic of me "digging deep".

http://thejazzbreakfast.wordpress.com/2010/03/10/concert-review-dave-holland-presents-2/

but i do find it musingly funny how i am now Miss Anne, instead of Miss Yeoh.

ps: yes, i still have this inner urge to run my hand over his beard... if only i was allowed to...

DH Week

2010-03-09T10:06:00.002+10:00

http://hollandforaweek.com

busted! i'm an excited little schoolgirl about working with DH!! i actually woke up this morning and thought about what i was going to wear!

but now that we're given handheld cameras to video whatever we think is interesting concerning the project... it takes the experience to a whole other level. Its not JUST getting coached by DH, its also filming bits that are memorable to yourself and being able (or at least forced to) reflect on the day.

so reflection:

1. he called me "pie" i think... for most of the rehearsal - its defo because of the wrong spelling on the list.

2. he had to select the songs carefully because of things that might not work with the violin - plus he's never worked with a violinist before.. so its not only new for ME

3. i took the first solo of the rehearsal. felt like i was taking the first solo for the rest of my life. actually didnt turn out too bad.

4. and i've got a feature song! Secret Garden --- feature in that the ensemble is whittled down to a quintet (from a septet)

i blew some heads. everytime he's standing next to me i'm all nervous and counting like mad and mistakes came up. when he's standing on the other side, i'm all cool and enjoying the song.

for a jazz legend (basically, someone i dreamt of meeting ever since i watched him live @ brisbane nov 1, 2007) he's absolutely unpretentious. i'm surprised by how easy-going i felt even with him sitting next to me watching us rehearse. Its like having Uncle Dave in the room, not the DH

its craziness! how privileged i am to be playing his songs, being coached by him, and then being presented in concert by him! i just wish i can get more time with him. its not enough!!! he just draws you in with his presence.

oh well, unlike the other ensemble members, i'm a DH virgin. so everyone in the group has known and worked with him for YEARS. and this is my last semester.. my last gasp.... of course, theres not enough time!!

boo!

2010-02-16T07:23:00.002+10:00

GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY

AND NO ONE GETS HURT!

pah!

2010-02-12T09:47:00.002+10:00

i just got news of yet another ex-flatmate who is preggers.

since i've been in the uk, i know of at least 3 ppl who got pregnant.

what kind of fertilization inspiration am i bringing onto these girls?

surely, i must be the constant key to this event.

they arent getting pregnant by the same guys.

one's turning 19.

others are in their 20s.

and they are of different ethnic and racial backgrounds.

and 2 of them i've lived with last year.

and none of them are in a serious relationship.

i feel like i've literally walked out of a tunnel into an alternate universe where this is all absolutely normal. routine even. Mundane.

that i'm the strange one. i'm the mad hatter. i'm the little chesire cat, grinning away at all the shenanigans, watching ppl get flustered, lost, helpless, and oh-so-Alice.

and here i read that brad pitt "convinced" ange to have children of her own.

pahhh!!! if only brad pitt convinced me. well.. i dont need convincing by him, but surely convincication (???) by brad can't all be a bad thing.

too much time wasted on

2010-02-08T03:42:00.003+10:00

shuffled songs syndrome: Grapevine Fires

If someone says "Are You Okay" you say:

The Dry Cleaneris From Des Moines (joni Mitchell)

How would you describe yourself?

Good Love Is On The Way (John Mayer)

What do you like in a guy/girl?

Dreamy Child (Joe Hisaishi)

How do you feel today?

Free Man in Paris (Joni Mitchell)

What is your life's purpose?

Without You (Silverchair)

What's your motto?

Sunday (Joe Hisaishi)

What do your friends think of you?

Wait For Me (Lake House OST)

What do your parents think of you?

Vultures (John Mayer)

What do you think about very often?

Beauty in Me (The Whitlams)

What is 2+2?

Something's Missing (John Mayer)

What do you think of your best friend?

Track 10

What is your life story?

A Leaf (Paul McCartney)

What do you wanna be when you grow up?

Eight Lines (Bang On A Can)

What do you think when you see the person you like?

Keep The Light On (The Whitlams)

What will you dance to at your wedding?

Universe and U (KT Tunstall)

What will they play at your funeral?

I Waited (Lake House OST)

What is your hobby/interest?

Ahaniel (Erik Friedlander)

What is your biggest fear?

Sannul (Erik Friedlander)

What do you want right now?

World Upon Your Shoulders (Silverchair)

What do you think of your friends?

Worth The Wait (We Are Scientist)

What will you post this entry as?

Grapevine Fires (Death Cab for Cutie)

note:

Ahaniel aka Anael, Hanael, Aniel: is an angel in Jewish love and angelogy, one of the seven archangels; joy, pleasure; associated with planet Venus

Sannul: a mighty cherub of a noble rank from the 7th Heaven and also has dominion Below; Angel of Punishment and Angel of Judgement

just to make life difficult

2010-02-06T02:27:00.003+10:00

life is hard as a masters student.

life is harder as a jazz masters student.

my HOD seems to have forgotten about me

and not given me a date for my prelim recital, till i asked for it.

imagine if i hadnt, i might have just defaulted a fail.

or sue them for a pass.

and of course, the date would just have to be in 2 weeks time

brilliant! cos clearly we all have been busting our ass preparing for a spot-check of a 45 min recital

like we dont already have to write 3 different essays

on philosophy

contemporary jazz aesthetics

cultural studies

plus reseach seminars

a professional portfolio journal

and then what do you know?!

a Technical Exam???

oh yes, do a technical exam.. sometime.. not sure when.

will be a short one. 15 mins tops.

will be tested on something.. or other. that i'm already supposed to be practicing

GIVE ME A BLOODY CRITERIA!! SOME KINDA EXERCISE!!

INFORM MY TUTORS ABOUT THIS TECH EXAM AT THE START OF TERM!

SO THEY CAN DESIGN A PROPER TEST FOR ME

WRITE IT IN THE DAMN COURSEBOOK HANDBOOK!!!!!!

JP, You're an Ass Munch!!!

oh and the best part is, i get a text from my tutor saying that its going to be next week 10th feb

during our lesson time

why so soon? oh, because the Postgrad board has to convene on the 17th feb to submit in marks and reports of the previous term. And so... we've completely forgotten that you need to do a tech exam, and completely forgotten to tell you bout it, but yeah, you need to help us out here. We've got paperwork due on 17th .. so lets do your exam asap.

what am i tested on? whatever your tutor tells you to --- to hell with that! she had NO clue about this exam til yesterday! And now, funnily enough, i'm being told to pick out an exercise myself, write out whatever patterns or scales that i choose to.

where's the logic in any of this!?!?!?

i do love the music here, and how i've developed as one. but this is not what i'm paying thousands of pounds for. Sloppiness. Thoughtlessness. Abandonment of student's progress. Belated covering-up of mistake.

i am sooo mad.

i think i'll go cook.

see... what all this has made me do??? MORE WORK!

just to make life difficult.

such...

2010-01-27T05:58:00.002+10:00

I am in love in music, I love music, I think of nothing but, and of other things only when they make music more beautiful for me....

If it continues like this, I may evaporate into a chord and float off into the air

Johannes Brahms, 1859

shrivel and die

2010-01-23T01:47:00.002+10:00

january is so miserable. christmas is bad enough but new years reminds you to be thankful to be given a fresh start.

what fresh start? its been 22 days into the year and still the world hasnt changed. nothing's new. nothing's better. its just more of the same ol' drudgery that will end up killing you anyway.

you will shrivel and die. soon.

i get news of my preliminary recital 2 weeks before the date. and i get news of a technical exam a week later. all this information that could've been passed on last year, in december, heck even at the start of the academic year.... would've saved lives. well, maybe not, but definitely saved a few brain cells from burning out and cramping due to sensitive information overload.

still, all is not bleak.

i've had a pleasant experience

just a few nights ago, Villa was playing Blackburn for a spot at the Carling Cup finals in Wembley.

it was late at night. past 10pm. i asked a fan if the club won.

"yeah, we won. We're going to Wembley!"

nice how i was phrased into the "we"

football camaraderie.

better than the lonely road to extinction that i face

ode to Asian Snowman

2010-01-06T10:51:00.002+10:00

for the few hours that you were in my life

mon cheri,

you make me so happy

from the tiny flecks of snow

i saw you this morning

you were formed in my mind

my hands crafted you

i spent all my breath huffing and puffing as i was rolling you out

and then grunting as i lifted and placed your most tubby torso on

then i scoured the snowed grounds for your arms

of appropriate length, shape, and strength

i rummaged through my recycling to pop milk bottle caps

green eyes for you

blue buttons for you

but no, you weren't complete yet,

a sturdy twig for a stout nose

and the softest stick of lips

then, i gave you my gloves

and my scarf and my coat

its alright if i'm cold

you've made me smile so hard,

i'm so warmed inside by you

5pm, 5th jan 2010

and i knew that spot under the tree opposite the house

would be the perfect one where i can watch you all day

you'd love it next to the tree too

already so tall your scalp touches the lowest branches

the slope of snow leading to the windows of the sitting room

still i wasnt done celebrating your birth

i had to make snow angels next to you

i had a good snowball fight

football, dodgeball,

and ended just diving into the endless beds of snow

reveling in the cushy feel

i know it is you hugging me

5 hrs 50mins later,

the unspeakable happened

you will never live to see sunrise

i will never get to hug you, give you a good rubbing, sit by you, or

look at snow without an overwhelming sense of nostalgia

i can't even face your remains tomorrow morning

i wish for hot breeze and ray lights to make your passing easier

whatever may be

know that you have been so loved, Asian Snowman

a decade ago

2010-01-03T05:40:00.002+10:00

the new year has begun. i'm not sure if ppl start the new year running. it always takes awhile to get your bearings of the new year. like hitting Restart. you'd expect a fresh page, a new beginning. But then again, it IS like hitting Restart. more of the same old, same old.

a decade ago, i was nobody. i had no significant personality or trait that i could think about. nothing individual about me. nothing to be proud of neither to be ashamed of.

but now, after 10 years, i've lived in 3 different countries, accomplished things i'd never thought i'd do this young in life- but if you dont do them young, you'd never do them. And doing them when you're old and retired seems a tad lame, checking of a list.

i have an idea of what i want to do, where i want to be, who i want to be, and how i want to be. And while i'm happy to let things happen interestingly, you have to take the bloody initiative to get it done. But mostly, you need to have the opportunity and resources to do them.

i'm not sure, though, had i not gone overseas, would i have been brave enough to choose the radical changes in my life? but had i not had the opportunity in the first place to go overseas, i wouldnt care about making impacts in my life. i might not be bothered with my self, or my music. i wouldnt KNOW music. i wouldnt think of it the way i do now. i wouldnt be able to play it and have it mean something to me. i'd be doing things meaninglessly.

you have to find out meaning in things for yourself. but also, you must have the opportunity and resources to find them out first. and i'm glad i had those.

but sometimes, most times, i think ignorance is bliss. there is so much torture to knowledge. the responsibility is torture. but its certainly a grooming tool.

i think as with the start of the decade 10 years ago, this year will be radically life-changing. i could potentially be finishing a postgraduate degree, getting a job, and paying taxes, being a respectable citizen, and finding my footpath in the field. it is the end of childhood and the beginning of my next phase in life. The last time it happened to me, that phase sprung on me overnight. At least now, i've got hindsight to help me cope. but unlike the last time, this will be one of my choice and its going to be harder to self-inflict change, to cut off this phase intentionally.

maybe i'll miraculously stumble upon the formula to increase the hours in a day. where is the time lord when u need one. he just died on new year's day. poetic f justice.

the rip-off

2009-12-30T02:15:00.002+10:00

storyline of pocahontas, LOTR combat scenes, Matrix technology of mind transfer, and Troy soundtrack

that's Avatar for you.

original: blue men on strange hostile planet? - WOW SOME IMAGINATION!

white christmas cliche

2009-12-25T02:19:00.004+10:00

unbelievably, we're having a white christmas in uk. i thought i knew global warming well enough to know not to expect white christmases anymore and last year was a prime example of an unusually hot week leading to Christmas Day.

anyhoo,

i'm loving this whiteness around me, walking through it somewhat a challenge as the snow is not thick enough to warrant high footfall and firm snow. So areas that are easily accessible by foot is grey slush, and other areas have nice white snow. And one must be ever so careful walking through semi grey slush and snow plus with my reduced action ankle it ain't so happening. and the terrain is always slanty, making things even harder.

walking down stairs is even trickier, esp since the railings are so cold u might get stuck to it. like dry ice to tongue.

but in my lovely warm room and toasty house, its great looking out and seeing icing dusted rooftops and mist all around - like living in a fairy tale book. Best times are to be trudging back home at night when the roads are quiet and the mist is hanging all around and only street lamps light your way.

then again, stewing away at the bus stop seems to be quite interesting too. As every breath i release sends puffs of steam, coupled with the very misty surroundings, i might as well be in the World of Steam Bath except my kneecaps are chilling up and i do a little dance (make a little love, get down tonight)

the worst part is, i dont have a camera! i've brilliantly left my camera charger behind in the Land of No Weather Imagination. And thus have to contend taking memory pictures. I'd try posting up the snow storm video i took last winter but blogger.com dont like to accept my video uploads.

i've made some advanced food purchases- buying things that i wouldnt normally buy. My daily intake is usually bread and box of soup, coffee, tea, sometimes cereal. That'll last me 24 hours. So i've had some pretty dormant food needs

Christmas has awaken all sorts of desires. Suddenly, a block of cheese, and a tub of olives are in my shopping basket. Throw in a few pints of milk, hot choc, baileys - you've got Dublin Dream.

A bag of prepared baby new potatoes, a bag of caesar salad, some fish.

A hamper of german meats - every kind of german meatish fetish.

2 loaves of stollen

2 boxes of mince pies

a packet of sausages, mushrooms, tomatoes, onions.

more wholemeal bread

i am on a roll. Looking at the list, that would normally apply to me for a week's worth of eating

dear me, i cannot imagine the amount of physical labour i have to put into to make a meal. bless.

tsk. this is why i just heat up a box of soup for all my daily nutritions in one go. simple. easy.

meanwhile, i'm just going to kick back with a glass of elderflower

do some essay writing.............. who am i kidding? with all this food around, i'll be procrastinating.

ok... step away from the computer.... disconnect internet.

* *

in a white white world

2009-12-22T01:46:00.003+10:00

i open my curtains in the morning, its white all over

the row of roofs, the fleet of cars, the green grass struggles to make its colour distinct.

i open the front door, its white all over

the welcome mat, the stoney steps, the little path, the slight slope leading to a row of bare trees

i open a carton of soup

milky white cream was used in it

i take out a food package

white tubs, looking sterilised

i open a document

its white, nothing springs to mind to type

as i walk home at night, (its night most of the time now)

the paths are newly dusted with snow

i see a trail

of shoe prints and doggedly following it, paw prints.

in search

2009-12-15T10:10:00.002+10:00

a young man in Japan arranged his circumstances so that he was able to travel to a distant island to study Zen with a certain Masters for a three-year period. At the end of the three years, feeling no sense of accomplishment, he presented himself to the Master and announced his departure. The Master said, "You've been here three years. Why don't you stay three months more?" The student agreed, but at the end of the three months he still felt that he had made no advance. When he told the Master again that he was leaving the Masters said, "Look now, you've been here three years and three months. Stay three weeks longer." The student did, but with no success. When he told the Master that absolutely nothing had happened, the Masters said, "You've been here three years, three months, and three weeks. Stay three more days, and if at the end of that time, you have not attained enlightenment, commit suicide." Towards the end of the second day, the student was enlightened.

("Silence"- John Cage)

the week of tooth and arm

2009-11-29T21:59:00.003+10:00

i started my week last weekend with a broken tooth.

dashed about finding the dentist and setting up emergency appointments

had to rehearse relentlessly for a klezmer concert.. right up till the day of concert

buggery thing since i'm not even signed on to elective

felt three tugs up my arm from my thumb on my bowing hand

not ideal for any musician to suffer from pain

and not ideal for me to be getting pain FROM an elective that i'm not even involved in!

busked at stratford and was asked to play in a fish and chippy nearby

total earnings for the day of playing 2.5hrs total, minus 4 pounds return train tickets - £51 plus hot choc (per person)

an american tourist was taking pics of us and was kind enough to offer to email them to us and then much later came out from a coffee shop bearing 3 cups of hot choc! - at a moment when we're on a low ebb of playing.

check us out! http://www.christmasuponavon.com/christmas-entertainment.php (28th nov)

we're "a touch of klez" and we have a really cool blurb if i may say so myself since i wrote it!

and now, after a week, tooth not fixed, arm and shoulder getting worse, AND i'm growing my wisdom tooth. like i'm not in enough pain already. like its not difficult enough eating without one tooth. like i dont have so many other things to do without needing more distractions and aches.

i totally forgot to blog about the awesome london trip last last week 17th-19th nov 2009.

it was awesome.

might put some pics up... someday. or not. might blog about it too.... someday.

beyond ok

2009-11-23T04:42:00.002+10:00

in the negative sense.

the weather is positively miserable. we've ONLY had a clouds and rains and gusty winds. ALLLLLL week. the only time when the sun shone out, i quickly grabbed my coat and scarf and bounced out of the house to find a dentist

and yes, to make life more miserable, i broke my tooth. i will never ever crunch on a stale pizza crust EVER! ... maybe just avoid all crunchy bits for the rest of my life. I've chipped my front tooth before and so its true, any violent acts upon tooth will cause it to demolish right before my food into my plate.

and of course, no dentist is open on the weekends and therefore i cant book an appointment for "first thing monday morning". i'll just have to rely on the excellent bus service (take 2 buses and walk for miles) to get to the centre by 9am. hoping against hope that they'll grant me an emergency appointment, and also hoping against hope that it will NOT rain.

And then after thats done, i've gotta hope that they can actually DO something about gaping hole in mouth--- even if its temporary till i get it patched up for real.

oh yeah, and hope that they will put me under NHS dental treatment which means i'll pay a cap amount. instead of some ridiculous £500+ figure.

now, i'm actually going to change all the words that said "hope" to "pray"

oh on top of that, i've got the usual classes and rehearsals this week. AND i've got a concert this Thursday. And i'm playing with the gang at Stratford this Saturday. How am i supposed to speak to ppl?? I cant smile, cant speak, cant eat, .... can only just mumble... and avoid social contact.

Oh.. and Lee Konitz is doing a workshop next week. Dave Holland is coming down as well.

I can't be a recluse at all!

i suppose the only bright way to see this is that at least i'm not having AIDS or cancer. i just have a broken tooth. Nothing money can't fix.

sighhhhh....

of housemates extrordinaire

2009-11-01T03:55:00.002+10:00

i live with THE BEST housemates ever!

these guys really know how to run a household- more so than me (that's a given!) or dini

who bought the bath mats after days and days of sloppy showers -the guys

who magically bought more toilet paper when it ran out- the guys

who most politely offer strawberries after dinner- the guys

who bought clothes pegs and hangers for the laundry- the guys

who bought a new shower head for our very decimated one- the guys

who bought cleaning liquid for the toilets, toilet brush, bin bags, kitchen towels, washing gloves, sponges, EVEN a weighing machine!!! - the guys

of course we'll sort out the bills soon enough but its the INITIATIVE of living that gets me! the guys have such an amazing sense of ... livelihood.

And its them who cleaned the whole house on the night we had a housewarming party. I mean, the mops, the scrubs, everything! The bath which looks very dusty round the edges were sparkling clean! As were the sinks. Everything was top notch. And i walked into the house seeing a faint glisten of the drying floor as i brought in the gusty winds with me into the house.

and i suspect its them who's been taking out the trash on tues nights for the trucks. i've prob ever done it once by myself.. and once with them.

They leave house at 8.45am, waking up at like 7am, and i dont see them till late at night.. most likely 7pm--sometimes 8pm-- later... they are working hard at school! and then they come home and COOK! Cook a proper dinner plus leftover for packed lunch the next day. AMAZING!!!

And on weekends when they kick back and relax at home, its reading a famous Chinese novel .. or going out for a jog together in the evening, having a can of beer at dinner time.

And tonight, there was a sharp rap on our door at 6pm. And its guy 1 who went up to the door to see a scary monster there... and then he was yelling something or other in chinese to guy 2.

"Its the Trick-or-Treat folks. Do we have candy in the house?????"

umm.. hmm.. mmm... all of us came out of our rooms and were thinking.... no........? meanwhile, guy 2 joined guy 1 downstairs to rummage through the cupboards while me and dini can just stand around in wonderment at the energetic ways the guys are searching for candy in the house!! i mean.. seriously.... the kid who rapped at the door prob left and here they were still searching for candy.- no such luck

so Guy 1 puts a jacket on and walks out to the nearby convenience store to get some!!!

you see what i mean? initiative. energetic. livelihood.

i'm not sure how many kids will be by our door tonight but we certainly cant be giving each and everyone of them- we only have a handful.

the only "bad" thing they've done ONCE is having a smoke outside a few nights ago. They are not smokers but i think its just a random-have-a-smoke thingy that guys do to hang out and chill? yeah? no?

i wouldnt know about this guy etiquette thingy...

323 northfield still a WIP

2009-10-10T06:06:00.003+10:00

any day now... the housemates will gather to declare a Housewarming Party for 323 northfield. the new 6 foot tall fridge-freezer has been delivered allowing more food space. brilliant! but its not set up yet to be used. Its still cosy-cosy with the plastic wraps and bubbles.

that 2nd hand telly we're talking about... is not materializing yet. the boys have undertaken this task to themselves and both are currently ill (they have been since they returned to UK) - and therefore unable to go to the ... "2nd hand market" whatever the official name is....

the lamp that was supposed to go at the corner of the living room next to the snug couches and large bookshelf has not arrived. the lighting in the living room is rather inadequate for any useful work to be done there (not even dining) except for maybe "couply actions" -- fader-controlled lighting in our living room.

but that's merely the "presentation" side of things.

in terms of "living conditions"... i'd say we're equipped! the bookshelf in my room has done miracles in transforming my room from resembling a little store cupboard with boxes to a livable store room. i'm reeeeaaaallllly proud of my little little room. its tiny but the little mess here and there actually makes the place COSY instead of plain untidy. that's what i find in a room with larger space.. there's real potential in the room looking untidy if the mess was not.. organized mess. anyway, interior architecture ramblings aside....

the shower... yes i've got a problem with that!

when i first moved in (late June), the shower/bath has looked really grungy. old. unmodern. and the hot water contraption thingy with the shower head on.. looks old. unmodern. you actually have to tug on a piece of string to switch on the light bulb *click!* .... same with the hot water switch- tug and on!

but then, all those doubts were erased after a fantastic PUNCHY hot water shower. a proper hot shower.

now... its nearly mid-october... we've all learnt how to use the thermostat control knob which controls all hot water and radiators in the whole house. and that would include the shower. and while all of us wants good ol radiators in our rooms to be hot hot hot... the showers have taken up that mantle well and truly.

i get SCALDING hot water...! and if i turn the button towards the red zone one would naturally think that its only going to get hotter-- but the digits on my shower box is showing a lower temperature number! and yes, the water suddenly becomes coooooollllldddddddd...... so.. turn it the other way.. and soon enough its SCALDING again. and there's no... intermediate temperature level with our shower button. just tweak it the tiniest bit and its either freezing cold of scalding hot. how exasperating! what is the point of the button being able to make a 300Degree turn??????

and i'd rather have extreme hot over extreme cold.. any day! this goes for like.. everything-- weather, food, all elements of my life.....

so i always exit the shower feeling like i got a sunburn and my skin's all raw and tender.... i slop lotions on me after shower-- and its not just to moisturise the skin but to really cool off.

and this week, the shower head is decapitating slowly by itself. i no longer get nice even streams of water, its just large globules of water spurting out lopsided on one side- its prob nicer to shower with just an open pipe!! its positively torturing to shower now. i feel more stressed after a hot shower.

but i suppose thats all part and parcel of living in a rented house. the landlord has been extremely nice. getting us study desks, coffee table, dinner table and chairs, bookshelves in our rooms, new fridge/freezer- not withstanding the small ones that we already have, extra lamp, toaster, .. mostly anything we want for the house. i shouldnt complain, really. he has been more than accommodating to us and we are truly blessed to have such a kind landlord.

he's even going to give us a tablecloth for our dining table which has been steadily getting a few suspicious looking heat marks, bowl shapes, cup rings, etc. Speaking of which, we do need that tablecloth before any housewarming party takes place. Cup coasters and junk mail don't make a proper table protector (not officially, anyways)

impressionisms at ob/gyn

2009-09-15T18:40:00.003+10:00

ob/gyn must be the most exciting department of the entire hospital- after maternity wards. i was bringing mum to the hospital for the bi-annual compulsory womanly checkups and waking up at 8am is not my forte (yet)

while i was half asleep driving there and doing a reverse parking and walking up flights of stairs and lifts and punching a number and slumping into a nearby waiting chair, i couldnt help but dread the next few hours of just waiting around till mum's checkup is done and i can go HOME!

but then, after awhile of zoning away in my own world i looked about me and saw patients! And i saw docs! And then i remembered my mum telling me that the doc that delivered me is also at this very hospital, on this very floor! And THERE HE GOES! looking much older than the last time i saw him (or rather, he saw me) I wonder what its like to walk up to him now and say "Hey, i am the baby that you delivered 22 years ago! Look! I can walk and talk!!!!" Would he think back about his glory days, delivering baby after baby, holding each one up triumphantly like a trophy, giving a little tickle in the tummy or poke at the leg to get us to yell, and then saying "its a .... ohh girl!" and then telling the mum "Well done!" or "Good job!" or "She's gonna be a heartbreaker" or "ehhh.. wait. There's another one!!!! Brace yourself!"

now now, i'm getting carried away. I was a bridged baby at birth time. But his fingers worked magic to massage mum's big belly indirectly turning me around head-first. (note: c-sec was unpopular at that time.. perhaps there was no such method then... man.. am i old or what?) So maybe he was going like: " This one's a stubborn one. Won't turn for me. Ok mum, dont push just yet... think circulating thoughts..."

I mean, i was just bubbling away in my thoughts and then it dawned on me that everyone here must either be a new mum, an old mum, or just plain ma'rm. Exciting times in a woman's life! Celebrating new life and all that. Ultra sounds and nice black-white pics of peanuts (i mean.. foetuses) all that "is-it-a-boy-or -a-girl", and "you're simply glowing!" gushes. The whole motley crew from grandmother to sister-in-law coming to watch the ultrasound and getting nice picture printouts...etc etc.

Also, there would be the slightly older women category going for more ominuous checks of cancer and whatnots. And THOSE women must be reminiscing what it was like to be a newly-wed and just excited about a new baby instead of nursing a cancerous lump (fingers crossed they dont!)

its absolutely fascinating to be out in a public place and watch the way malaysia operates. i rarely have the time and space to just sit by and observe the world around me but here at ob/gyn floor i can do just that. There are about 6 ob/gyns on this side of the level (3 female docs and 3 male docs) And typically enough, there are more patients waiting to see the female docs. Even more typically, the demographic splits onto race- each consulting the doctor of their race.

Perhaps its the language barrier or the cultural barrier or a religious barrier? For example, "Are you pregnant out of wedlock(POOW)?" will set the tone for the rest of the consultation and depending on which race, might get a different reaction. Perhaps for a malay getting POOW, that would be a big boo-boo in the religious books; and then for the POOW chinese, it might be kept hush-hush... all that MYOB thing (mind your own business); and then again for the POOW indian, it would be like a vicious cycle of a (traditionally) poorer socio-economic lifestyle.

but then again, this is just my crude imagination of things. OF COURSEEEE no one wants to think badly of the other. And that when you see a young lady (no visible tummy) getting a consult alone at the ob/gyn, one musnt think about negatively dramatic situations of "confirmation of pregnancy- where is your partner- is he involved- yes, there are options- there's a brochure here that pleasantly states the facts, the stats, and the implications- oh yes, of course, its a personal decision but other than that your baby seems fine on my scanner here" *tap tap scanner*

ok the reason i'm rabbiting away on the whole wedlock preggers thing is because- FIRSTLY, i did see a young lady entering the consult alone and avoid ppl's eyes and just quickly go into the room.

SECONDLY, more importantly.. i was standing-semi leaning against the cushy chairs with my mum, arms on my hips, when i noticed an older woman turning around and peering at me funny. More like, peering at my tummy funny. Giving me the x-ray pregnancy scan look. I was wearing a rather large shirt as well... and i was here with my mum... i mean, its crying out for a scandal story!

Heelllooooo.....

well, she immediately turned away after she saw that i was looking at her too.

sigh. we just cant get away from juicy juciy scandals. i really should stop day-dreaming and start doing some productive work. After all it looks like i'll be there the entire morning waiting for mum's turn. And you know what, the doc has just left her consult room, all clippity-cloppity away. She must've been called to a birthing session. You never know when these tots pop out.

ohhh yes, i was in for a loooooonng wait at consultation area.

the dawn of MbP...

2009-08-30T17:21:00.008+10:00

this is the band i want playing at

my birthday

my wedding

my funeral

seahorses, seaweed, fishnet costumes and all.

lets not make sense

2009-08-13T20:19:00.002+10:00

to eat money flowing from the monkey's belly,

rub the tummy of my foot and make snow,

from the dirt rubber foundlings of mistakens,

and the joy of peace is so.

may the fish of pink guide you to lovelessness

so the apple saplings grow

try the phonetic spelling, it speaks!

and the seed of sorrow is so.

i make the shout of call

the forebears' announcement and all that's engraved

"My, My" said aye-aye leprechauns

and the pain of past is so.

oh no, dinner's here

out tumble the green green grass

yes, Mister Shoe-Horse tinkle toe

and the music of heart is so.

how not to loose weight

2009-07-22T17:23:00.002+10:00

i've always had this dilemma everytime i return home from overseas. i put on weight berlebat-lebat. I'm always greeted with "oh you've lost weight!!" when i get back. And then for those who dont see me until about a month after i'm back they'll usually say "wahhh put on weight already ahh..."

and then i become part of the statistic of ppl gaining weight when they're overseas- which frankly doesnt make sense when Malaysia is THE food country. plus i hate being stereotyped (mostly)

so this time round (and many failed attempts before), i've decided that i will maintain my weight the best way possible.

1. NO MORE RANDOM MAMAK-ING/ snacking : i'm in corrigible in this. i used to just go out to eat a roti canai late at night just because i felt like it. or we'd go out for late night "chow" just because we had early dinner. Or nasi lemak in the morning just because i wanted to. And then, the occassional "roti boy" when one's at Subang Parade doing chores. or perhaps its that silly McDs contest to win free Big Macs.

either way, i'm cutting down on those unneccesary eats. plus saving money.
also another point on eating, i've literally contracted my mum to NOT overfeed me. That's means, not eating a pile high of rice and finishing up whatever leftovers on the table because she's overcooked (as usuallllll). And so far, we've been quite dilligent and disciplined about it.

2. GO TO GYM!: my sis has recently signed up for lifetime membership at her gym so she's been given 4 one-month gym membership passes. a perfect opportunity for me to hit the gym seriously, regularly, purposefully. And that crazy woman goes to gym at 7.30am which i drag myself out of bed to join her cos i know i prob wont go to gym alone. And that is for 3 times a week.

3. WALK THE DOG: new dog, new rules. i actually take dog out for walk with leash, do proper rounds of the area, not like with Buddy whereby we just let loose and he'll take himself for a walk. So yeah, thats a daily evening walk where i burn whatever remnants of lunch before i tuck into dinner.

so logically, if i follow those 3 steps i should be on my way to maintaining a nice well balanced weight number and keeping in shape.

Au Contraire!

i was a neat 47kg when i got back and the first morning i went to gym. (early july)
and today,
i'm 48kg inching towards 49kg!!! (end july) my belly is fattening again. i am still defiantly wearing my skinny jeans as i would usually wear them daily in uk- so all's not lost yet. i dont feel as nimble and flighty ... maybe a little more stamina but if that doesnt translate to smaller tummy, its useless.

i'm extremely puzzled. how is this possible!!!!?!? i do gym regularly, i walk the dog daily, and my sister is extremely impressed that i've managed to lay off snacking everytime she snacks. And i;m not eating a mountain of food every meal. So whats the deal here?

i'm slightly distressed by this, that i'm half thinking that i shouldnt even go to gym. Whyyyy wake up sooo early just to torture oneself over the machine and then go back home to start the chores of the day. It just doesnt make sense!

trapped

2009-07-08T16:06:00.002+10:00

i feel trapped
but i dont know which way to break out

overrated

2009-07-08T15:36:00.000+10:00

slowly

2009-06-19T10:16:00.005+10:00

you're slowly tearing me up into pieces and tears.

i suppose, technically, its me to blame- allowing myself to be torn up

wish you weren't on the other end of the string

and it was only me, my burden, and my scattered pieces

the picture that defines ninified

2009-06-11T05:22:00.003+10:00

taken outside an optometrist block at Richmond

boy troubles

2009-05-22T07:33:00.005+10:00

i've seen my fair share of shocking things, but traumatising shocks dont come often (thankfully). but today its a reminder of things that we need to care and be aware.

my flatmate overdosed herself on pills this morning. 30 pills.

why?

boy troubles apparently

so what am i saying? Not beware of boys... but be careful about yourself. When you have someone in close proximity in life, it always has repercussions- good and bad. Its like family. Whatever you do affects them whether or not it was about them. You can't fall on the excuse that its just a 2-person business. I'm sure kids with divorced parents would say the same thing... it affects them too!

A bf is more than a friend and has family-ish characteristics. When you install them into your life as "family", you have to be aware that whatever they do will somehow concern you. And i mean once you're aware of that... then you decide how much you're going to let that affect you and your life, your decisions..etc... But if you're not aware of that, then whatever decisions you make suddenly becomes like "the other person's fault". But its not! Say what you want, say "it takes two", but i like to be quick to blame myself first cos there's the root of the problem.

YOU. YOUR PERSPECTIVE. YOUR AWARENESS. YOUR DECISIONS.

harsh? hell yeah! thats the world for you. but thankfully, we've got both elements of hell and heaven in the world

reminds me of the time when my other flatmate started crying and hyperventilating when her toy-boy broke up with her suddenly. paramedics came for that too. and that was just a toy-boy case. but i feel for my flatmate, she's alone here in this foreign country and shes having a long-distance relationship... goodness knows what THATs like!

strangely enough this two cases happened to flatmates that live next to my room and the most recent one, opposite my room. maybe the problem is me......... oh dear........

for someone who knows how easily life can be taken from you

i can't fathom how it must be

for you to throw away your life so easily.

been awhile

2009-05-17T09:55:00.004+10:00

its been awhile since i had anything meaningful to post on my blog.
gosh.. it is MY blog.. such a huge responsibility.

i used to write in it every week. twice a week, perhaps
and now i've reduced to telling meanderings

well, i suppose there are plenty of "used to" stuff that i did which i dont do now like...

i used to just rock up to lesson and play ala improvisation. (thats what jazz is right?) i have since (UK) been converted of my beliefs. Jazz is hard work. Its not possible to cheat it. It has theory and methods and principles. I have been practicing "real" stuff ok....

i used to eat very little and economical: dont buy food from canteen, always eat self-cooking. i;d have toasts in the morning, bring a packed lunch- which is also the menu for dinner. i usually cook bulk to last a few days.
Now, i just eat toast in the morning, chew gum throughout the day, and get back from college to sit in my room and munch on biscuits .... and then before u know it, its like... 9pm! and ..well, better take a shower or cook dinner.... hmmm takes awhile to decide between the two. And finally gets into kitchen to cook (lets see..........) pasta with tomato vegetable sauce and frozen veges, OR dark sauce noodles with frozen veges, OR soup with a garlic baguette, OR just go to bed so that u dont think about eating.. besides its late anyway..... etc etc etc

i used to have Thao. (oh yeah.. she is also the one with the rice cooker...i dont have one, and yes i'm Asian.....)
Now. its just me. life IS lonely.
But life is also lonely in malaysia. theres an empty spot where i've grown up elsewhere and trying to fit in is just hard. but being out here where you dont originally belong is also hard stuff.

But looking around my room, i think i've managed to live a very compact and productive life.
Its cluttered with external interests - yarn balls (i took up crocheting), CDs and books (i took up amazon.co.uk), stacks of photocopied manuscript paper (i've taken up composition more seriously than i've ever had before) and little things that you gather over time.

I open my standard-size kitchen cupboard that i was allocated, and i see one piece of everything. One spoon, one fork, one teaspoon, one knife (that doesnt belong to me, i lost my own one), one salad bowl, one soup bowl, one medium pot, a bottle of oil i bought since sept 2008 and only used 20% of it, one cup, one glass. Everywhere is evidence of my highly polished, singular lifestlye. It is an existence that i've carved out for myself only.

but it is an existence that i have complete and utter responsibility for. i have complete power and influence over it. everything i have here is marked with my decision and choices.

i cant help but think what's this? what's this whole existence? what does it mean? I'm a person with many interests. I dont even play computer games here! Nor Nintendo. I'm investigating the art of photography. Getting music and books out from the library. Staying up late to watch LOTR or Matrix trilogy just to see if i can. I've even got The Week subscription.

I'm curious about the independent life- Living in your own time and pace. And i'm so blessed to be allowed to live like that ... So really, i have nothing to complain about. But i am two-minds about this. Its abnormal to be this clear about living life. One hand i realise the absolute solitude that i have but on the other hand, i appreciate the singularity of my life. One person the human, and the other the artist (considered by most as inhuman, read: genius)

i sense that i will be schizophrenic later in my life
and for added dramatic measure (because they are always sooo accurate).. i dont think i will live past my 40s.

but mark this blog post for years to come. i feel strongly about the above two statements. i've been feeling so tired lately. so tired.

THAT IS IT!!!!

2009-04-29T01:45:00.003+10:00

that is it!!!

i've been exceedingly patient with the weather here in UK

but enough is enough!

its not possible to be feeling sub-freeze temperatures late April- going into May.

wait.. its possible (here)

but its not acceptable!!!!

how is it that only 2 weeks ago some places were having sweltering highs of 21C and this week, we've been experiencing temperatures averaging around the 14C mark? in fact, it was raining mildly the whole day and by 6pm i was feeling rather frostic with only a wooly jumper on. i felt like i should be wearing a coat and maybe some gloves cos my fingers were freezing! and yes, there were ppl wearing gloves!!!

i've no idea how to dress everyday... should i risk it and wear only a hoodie and feel chilly all day long or is it worth the hassle of having a coat and then having to dress and undress layers??? besides its not that cold outside to wear layers..... but a hoodie is needed indoors because the building is not that warm either. hmmmmm

today's temperature: 4-14C

bless

the bash at HCP

2009-04-26T07:43:00.011+10:00

have u ever heard of singapore day? no? well, not many ppl have heard of malaysian independence day either... but they should!!! it was the same day as princess di's death. anyway, this year, their big Overseas Singapore bash is at London. I think it was at Melbourne last year. And expect nothing but the best, eh? This year's party is at Hampton Court Palace! (yeah-ha!!)

-free hawker food

-free entry

-tons of goodie bags

-almost every known singaporean star at the event

-some important official looking guy (i dont know who he is, but he was followed around by a bodyguards in suits, earpieces, and a mini camera crew)

for the 13 pounds i spent riding the super mini coach along with other members of singaporean society and malaysian society from Aston uni (consisting mostly of HKies........*strange*) i thought it was a pretty good deal!!! the poor little town around Hampton Court was crawling with cars the entire day, mostly because they had to stop at the zebra crossings while visitors just kept the footwork flowing throughout the day to and fro the parking lots and palace grounds.

first thing i did was attack the food line.. DUH! there was roti pratha, satay, nasi lemak, indian rojak, chinese rojak, laksa, chwee kueh, carrot cake, chilli crab, chicken rice, char kway teow, muah chee, mee siam, bak kut teh *ugh*, fried hokien mee (not the black sauce one.. pity), bbq seafood, and of course their ever famous old cheang kee curry puff.

the yau char kuey before it made its way into my rojak

no i didnt get to try everything. chicken rice, char kway teow, and bbq seafood had impossible queues.... but i tried as many things as i could. the fried hokkien mee was definitely NOT worth the wait. but they had a huge telly screen playing a recorded video thingy which kept me entertained in line. there were plenty of singaporean stars they've brought in for the event- Jake Neo, Dim Sum Dollies, Hossan Leong, Taufik Batista (singaporean idol), Rui En.

the dim sum dollies!! arent they JUST cuuuuuuteeeeeee!!
and thats hassan leong 2nd frm left

dim sum dollies were my favourite... with a name like that.... they were positively HILLARIOUS! hossan joined them and even cross-dressed as a 'singapore girl' (ie: SIA stewardess) AND i got a pic with them later when they came round to one of the booths that was promoting their dance+acting academy thingy--which was giving out free DVDs, which i took, which i then proceeded to get their signatures) I'm not a "fan" like... proper fan by no means... i just thought since i'm here at singapore day, i MIGHT AS WELL make a day of it... jangan hangat-hangat tahi ayam.

there were plenty of information booths as well about singaporean unis, marina bay (their amazing bombastic futuristic design of the whole island), corporate companies (for prospective job seekers), and the NS booth which was possibly the coolest booth with at least 20 screens of different kinds of war-gaming thingies. some arcade, some computers, some.. other technological stuff i know not. AND i got war paint on my face too- and took a tube of green and black paint with me.

i must say the sing govt got proper sponsorships for this. Really, everything was done in first-class fashion. Nothing was overlooked. The quality of everything they served was great. There was always plenty of food and freebies ... nothing ran out. In fact, towards the end of the day, ppl were seen grabbing crates of Yeo's boxed drinks (because there was just too many left over anyway) at crates of bottled Yeo's Satay Sauce as well. btw, the boxed drink was something unheard of to me: Green Bean Soy Drink. Nah, wasnt too exciting compared to mum's version of it. It lacked the sugar overload that you'd normally get in the Chrysanthemum, or Sugarcane drinks. ha!

so all in all, free GOOD food, free GOOD entertainment, free GOOD freebies, ------ that's really all u can ask for right? except for the fact they didnt have any teh tarik.... but hey, it was well worth the money and day off practice.

the "fine" balloons

oh elvis....

2009-04-25T08:36:00.003+10:00

elvis costello and the brodsky quartet

you KNOW that it'll be such an experience

oh yeah!!!!

amazing arrangements- whoever arranges music from them definitely

did a great job of it

it shifts between something shostakovich-like as an intro

and then suddenly we're into a blues-pop tune

and the instrumental parts of the song goes back into classical-like repertoire

its brilliant quartet writing!

i couldn't praise it higher.

and you can tell how long the brodsky quartet has been playing--- like forever!

its sooo fluent.

timing was flawless, the lines between violins, viola, and cello.. they just melt together

such a great ensemble sense between the players

and a amazing musicality for the songs, so much depth and character

of course, the world-class acoustics at the Symphony Hall just helped enhance the whole effect

such is the quality of the acoustics that elvis sung some bits acoustically

the players could've done it acoustically too

its so pleasing to hear a string quartet work as a band without the stress of amplification

only problem was the vocalist wasnt the highlight

sure it wasnt a bad voice

but it wasnt BRILLIANT/ MINDBLOWING either

he also sang "girl in the other room" - the only song i know

a tribute to his favourite pianist

(ie: his wife, diana krall)

**awwww**

i heart W&G

2009-04-15T10:32:00.002+10:00

being in the UK

means

living the culture here

it means

tv programmes such as

Eastenders

Coronation St

Dr Who

Big Brother (ugh)

but mostly, for me

its all about

Wallace and Gromit!

its not Christmas without them

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00g8hbw/Wallace_and_Gromit_A_Matter_of_Loaf_and_Death

boing!

2009-04-06T02:46:00.003+10:00

it's spring!

let's bounce!

a hair fair

2009-03-24T02:34:00.002+10:00

due to the weather's unpredictable nature and the timing of the speedy growth of my hair, i've decided to get a haircut-- from the hairdressing school nearby. it charges 6 pounds for a haircut about 1/4 of the average hair cutting prices around town.

so i booked a friday afternoon appointment knowing that i've literally got nothing else to do for the day. i dont want to take the risk of running late for anything after that and i want the student to take his time... be patient with the hair.. speak to it... get some wisdom from touching it and finally apply his creative powers on it. I mean, its the uncultivated organic creative powers of hairdressing that i'm looking for here. These little chooks have little experience cutting hair and i'm harvesting the organic goodness of untamed creativity and its coming at bargain prices!

a few things i found out:
they are extremely polite.... robotically polite though. everyone... nearly everyone you meet there asks if you're alright.. if you want a drink... are you sure? water? tea? .... no no no....

they've to do a "hair analysis" check.. and ... "Carol, is this normal hair, d'you think?" "I'd say its normal... the scalp looks alright..."Have you checked........ *squirts water on fingers... run through hair*... hmmm.. *pull pull*

*scribble*........

ok... face shape.... hmmm..... round.. but you're a bit oval at the top... *????* "alright, the best shape face to have is oval.. because you can cut any style on it.. and you're part oval on the top.. so thats good...."

Would you like conditioner?
Huh?.... errr.. ok why not?
Yeah.. it'll make your ends softer.. smoother..
Sure sure.... ok....
Alright... now if you'll follow me to the basins.

I got first shampoo.... wash... and then second shampoo... wash... and then water alternates between freezing cold and scalding hot......and then conditioner..... and more water fickleness.

Yeah your hair's much softer now... can you feel it? The ends are much softer.
Umm... yeah.. ok...

SO then..... some girl comes up to the mirror in front of me and scribbles the time down (she's the student manager for the day!) These kids gets their time noted for every step of the process! And Carol (the teacher) is busy bustling around everyone.. taking notes ..timings... asking them whats the next step etc.

Hair parting took ages! And i vaguely remember telling him to take off 2 inches in length.. thin down the hair... take off the fringe a little.

The cut: My goodness... i couldnt even feel the difference between cuts. Usually i can feel clumps of hair falling on my shoulder, slide to the floor.. This guy was snipping at microscopic lengths! And of course i'm blind to whatever he was suggesting and holding up strands of hair asking "this much?" "or this much?" "are you sure?" "You make me nervous, you do"

After much much ado (he was well over time for the cut) Carol came round and had an inspection... The back was a little too long (its going to grow out in a few weeks, James) the sides slightly inbalanced (have you checked with the other side?) (The layers are very nice.... Its very hard to cut this type of hair.... Its very wispy. Very hard to cut indeed.) *oooooo*

We found that my fringe is quite rebellious.. It wouldnt stay onto one side.. kept falling over my forehead. Which calls for a hair-straightener to sort it out... *apparently*... didnt work anyways.. but still good fun for him to give me an informative lecture on what hair straighteners to get, what product to go with it.... and technique.... And then using hair wax to make it more bodacious.... *apparently again*.... i didnt think it worked. i just look a little mad with poofed hair on the top and slightly flattened fringe due to the hair straightener. But whatever... using free products to no effect is always worth the money you're paying at the shop.

My verdict: I'd go back again. It wasnt too bad. There wasnt a change at all to my appearance except that my hair looks neater and calmer. My flatmate said she likes the back of my hair.. must be all that amazing layering James did.. and made it look neater as well.

6 pounds-- a bargain! Sometimes during promotion period you could get 1 pound haircuts done by the lower level students (such as my James) but generally its always 6 pounds. Besides its cheap enough already as it is!

you know what.. they do Facials for 5 pounds!! a Dermalogica facial though. Isnt Dermalogica like .... good?

still in love

2009-03-12T08:28:00.003+10:00

Partisans.

i now understand why fans throw their clothes on their idols, whoever they may be: rock stars, footballers, etc.

since Partisans were playing at the Recital Hall, Birmingham Conservatoire, there were certain audience ethics to follow (like not throwing lacy undergarments at musicians) and being seated calmly (not start raving on the floor)

there was just two ways of seating:
forwardly--- which made me ready to just dive onto the stage area at any given moment (i was 2nd last row on tiered seating)
OR
backwardly--- that means i was quite literally GLUED to the back of my seat by the music that was being thrown at me. it was powerful.

i suppose i felt like stripping not just because of the music but also because the hall was quite warm... and the MUSIC... my goodness... the MUSIC...... the MUSIC... the MUSIC........ pure ecstasy. so liberating. you felt like just taking off all your clothes, not because you want to show some sick sexual appreciation towards the musicians... but:

Its the power of the music- absolutely liberating!

partisans

nuff said

ps: julian siegel is my tutor. that man has bionic ears.

tak puas

2009-03-04T05:31:00.002+10:00

hmmff...

not happy....

ok i dont know the full extent of the student list selected to present for Dave Holland's workshop but this i know:
a 3rd year
a part-timer on my course

what the....? shouldnt they try to focus in on the 4th years and ppl with 1-year course?
i know its based on merit and stuff like that but really.... its a little shameful that they didnt think some other 4th year and 1-year coursers are eligible for this. Honestly, i'm pissed. But mostly, i'm disappointed in myself.

I'm really lacking in someting arent i?
There must be something wrong. Am i not "promoting" myself to the right channels of selection?
I am not good enough
I am not their type? -- i'll have you know one of them selected to present is the other jazz violinist on the course. So it cant be about type.

What is it?

I feel very disappointed in myself. Why cant i get something for myself? Why am i not good enough for myself to be seen?

I'm trying to console myself by saying that my life is complete. It is! Its not like the end of the world for me if i dont get selected for the workshop. I'm not a lesser person without it. It would have been a bonus to be selected. There shouldnt be this emptiness in me. Besides, i dont desperately need a coaching. Of course, its great to get as much lessons as you can from different ppl, ideas and opinions esp from someone as learned as DH.

I dont think i'm drowning in the deep sea. My music is work-in-progress but its not in dire circumstances.

STILL.. would've been great to be able to drop the phrase "did you know, i was coached by DH?"

was it really just about name-sake?
what is it about? i;m trying to understand why i'm reacting.

prescription: repeat mantra "my life is complete" for 5 mins everytime disatisfaction surfaces

there's something really pique-ing about life
if you're always satisfied and complete and whole... then you'd get complacent
if you're always feeling incomplete... you'd strive harder for more more more
both ways seem to be damaging. living with the tension on the edge of balance.

Villa vs CSKA Moscow

2009-02-22T04:00:00.008+10:00

18th February 2009

In what promises to be an exciting match, Champions League material, the match was relatively mild. The weather was just right for a winter night, the pitch bright, the crowd hyped, the grass so green and smooth, and most importantly, the SEATING. i had an AMAZING view, definitely one of the better ones on my end. Smack in the middle of Holte End, first row of my section, corner seat.

and the Holte End didnt seem that appealing at first because i'd like to be seating on the side of the pitches so that you can see both ends of the field (its slightly more exp). but then i found out that the Holte End is the renowed "supporters" area and therefore the vibe would be more real and energetic.

and energetic it was! the crowd would break out in spontaneous chants and robust songs about their team ... encouragement... and also everyone seems to be playing the knowledgeable role of Team Manager (from where i was sitting anyway)

man 1: they're panicking.. its just like the game against Everton innit? (trivia: everton ended villa's 11-game winning streak in the EPL just a few days before despite them ranked 11)

man 2: WAKEY WAKEY VILLA!!!!! (repeatedly throughout the match)

man 3: GO FORWARD!!! move!!!

man 4: where's the support? why aint there no one there to help him?!?!h, wy oesnt he put.. etc...................................... (long strategy)

ninified: come on..... come on now...... ok thats it... forward.. forward!!! ahh ahh ... arghhhhh!!!!

and honestly, i have to agree with man 2. villa team mustve been snoozing tight. ridiculously, within 15 mins cska scored their first goal... and Villa didnt look very polished in their strategy. i mean there were good points in their passing along the midfields and wings but somewhere in between midfield and attack there doesnt seem to be a sensible connection

the opening goal by cska was down at my goal end was met with silence..... and then boo-ing. personally, i was a little shocked that a goal was struck so early in the match! its really fun to be in the middle of genuine long time supporters. they know every stats of their club history, and are undyingly passionate about the team. There was always a loud cheer when Villa gets a free kick, more swearing at referee when they dont. before you know it, it was half-time ie Photo Time

me, yip and pitch

aaron and sulky jack

aston villa football club neon lights

when the match resumed, aaron remarked that the team's playing better. to which i have to say was more out of desperation than pure game skills. still, they'd better score a goal...... how embarassing it would be to have qualified for Champions League, have a great EPL season, and not win in a home match?

this time round, since Villa would be scoring the goals on Holte End, the crowd got more excited everytime the ball came down our end. Its amazing to hear a low drumming sound as the crowd stands up with excitement and the seats flip up (thus the drumming sound), the shouts get louder....... and then a very audible sigh of disappointment.

and then.... 20 mins to end time.......

YEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holte end was jumping up and down. Grown men hugging each other. I mean, i couldve hugged anyone in my entourage but really the guys are soooo unemotional. i guess its kinda weird to attend a football match with a girl. But me, I was right in the hype of things!!! This is coming from a girl who shouts at her TV when Brisbane Lions are playing.

About 5 mins before ending, CSKA kept changing players, getting a loud disgruntled boo from the crowd. I'm told its a common tactic of "wasting time" on the pitch so they dont have to play ball. It was quite obvious.. making 3 changes in the span of 10 mins.Anyway, final tally: 1-1 draw.

Villa plays CSKA again next week.. but an away match. Fingers crossed they DRAW (at least). To be fair, CSKA is at the top of their group and Villa is 3rd in their group.

Its early days for Champions League yet. But 18th Feb 2009 officially marks the start of my love affair with Villa and football.

the accursed weather

2009-02-16T03:27:00.003+10:00

its becoming hot again. by hot i mean its an average of 3-8 degrees everyday of this week.

I CURSE THE WEATHER!
HOW DARE IT BECOME WARMER!
WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AS WELL!

it was supposed to snow last weekend but it didnt! and the snow did not fulfill its snowfall quota! i demand it come back!!!!!!

sigh.
i can actually sleep with my window slightly open
and i push my bed right in front of the heater and window.

i dont have to wear gloves and still feel like i could take off my scarf
what the?!!?

there goes my favourite-most-stressful pastime of crocheting scarfs.
*sniff*
this means i actually have to revert to book-reading again

Tuesday's forecast if 6-9 degrees.
NOOOOOOO........ *wails*

antics in snow

2009-02-10T09:46:00.005+10:00

like many things that happen on campus, outrageous is as outrageous can be.

after a disappointing show of sun and blue skies over the weekend, i scoffed at the forecast of snowstorm tonight (Monday). last night showed some promise of snowing --- briefly, which stopped and today has been mostly gloomy with light showers.

rain is nothing compared snow. rain is purely miserable. but snow is delightfully dangerous! but it seems the temperature is not dropping enough for the rain to turn into snow. but as i was coming home, the fat droplets of rain soon became snowfall...

and at 11pm, a saw flat-lot of girls leaving the building apparently heading out to clubs.

wearing... club clothes (ie: short skirts, sleeveless, pointy heels etc.) Whatever possessed them to think of going out in torrential snowpour?... they do have talent for living life, i must say. It is an acquired skill, a highly specialised mentality that allows them to make sense of clubbing on a night like this.

half hour later, a few boys took a bag of garbage and rolled it in the snow, hoping to use it to create whatever snow monstrosity they can think of. i saw mr snowman dressed with a saucepan for a hat last week. they are currently rolling 2 cubes of garbage... quite succssfully

and of course, now they are writing intelligible poems on the snow surfaces.

below is one such example from the previous night. and tonight's message is inscrutable... (and not facing my window)

btw, the forecast is true for tonight. it is blowing gales of snow outside! hopefully this keeps up for a day or two. most exciting! its still a novelty for me. i'm not tired of it yet!

nocturnal snow fall

2009-02-04T10:16:00.003+10:00

watching the snow fall at night is even better than day time.

the contrast between dark and light is more dramatic

it is more riveting to have the snow fall on my window, the direction of wind has changed since last i saw snowing

this is truly MORE engaging than my previous post.

now THIS... i can sit and stare at all night.

there is so much i havent seen yet of life.

update: ok.. its slightly disturbing now. in the last 15 mins since i last saw the snow fall, the pavement that was initially clear of snow is now entirely whitened. i cant imagine what will happen when i wake up tomorrow morning.

i do have a 10am lesson and i intend to college early to practice.

more snowing!

2009-02-02T20:12:00.003+10:00

Britain comes to standstil after 1ft of snow blanketed parts of the country overnight
Arctic blizzards!

is there anything more enjoyable than staying in a heated box-room (such as mine) on a heavy snowing day? its possibly made better with the restocking of my Milo sachets, Oreos, and Maggi Kari packets. on top of that, i dont have any classes-- well, i've got a rehearsal at 6.30pm this evening but by then i'm sure i'll be all snowed-in.

i woke up at 9am to see snow everywhere and i immediately jumped out of bed, slipped on crocs, grabbed my camera and dashed into the kitchen to take pictures (we have big wide windows)---- and also to eat breakfast.. (for once food is the last thing on my mind!)

and if its possible, after one hour of constant snow-gazing (amid daily routine of eating and getting dressed) it has snowed even harder! i can imgine myself just completely covered in snow if i stood at one spot for 15 mins. its snowing soo soo hard that its like the hardest rainfall, and coupled with some light winds, it is snowing downwards, sideways (esp if you look through the window near the corner of the building) and snowing from below! its all just one happy mesh of snowing and billowing!

i've seen snow in my life before but never snowing. at a few days shy of my 21st, my classmate said that it was snowing outside and i couldnt believe my ears! what...snowing in october??? the snowing stopped after my class when i went to the nearest window and saw that it has stopped (disappointingly) . and then it was "winter". with no sign of snow at all.. christmas week started at 10+ degrees-- unusually warm--- and then January 5th came with snowing in the morning! whoop whoop! which lasted for just the day.. nothing much. all events of snowing that i've experienced have been mild and brief.

but NOW...NOW is the time for some hard snowing. all this bottled up ice is being vented at us, to strike us when we're just about ready to pack away winter coats in a few weeks time. seems like winter chill is here to stay for some time... maybe til March (someone did mention it snowed in March last year)... have we scorched the earth so far that it now strikes back at us when we least expect it?

i've decided to chill my bones and drench myself in snow.. i mean... "brave the weather" and go out to buy some rubber-soled boots. if snows here to stay for awhile i need to make sure that i'm not going to break my arm slipping and sliding all over the place with my crap ones that i've got.

it really looks like a vivid Christmas postcard out here.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/weather/4431043/Britain-comes-to-standstill-after-1ft-of-snow.html

snow salting

2009-02-02T03:44:00.003+10:00

for once it is snowing because the temperature is tooooooo cold. and yes there are different kinds of snowing. the other kind is where it snows because it first rained/ drizzle and while making its way to earth it freezes up and becomes snow. and of course, then there is just big fat ones that cant help but fall onto earth because its too heavy (or they were just sticking together for warmth and their weight exceeded cloud's ability to hold them etc..)

but today, its whimsical snow. it was bright blue sky with mild clouds today when i left church and while i'd love to just stay in the sunlight, the warm picture did not translate to warm temperatures. its blooody freezing cold! and of all days, i forget my scarf and gloves. AND i was wearing sneakers and not boots.

and what a wonder it is to just sit by a warm, heated coffee shop and look out the window to this snow that just falls because it just happened to be cold enough to cultivate them. they look unpretentious and natural, purposeless and yet fulfilling duty, showing the inevitability of the season. there is nothing more revealing that this!

i could've sat all day looking as the snow fell, knowing that when i walk, out the pavements will be slightly damp while the grassy patches are slowly covered with a sheen of light snow. Waiting at the bus stop, i'll be "salted" with snow on my coat which promptly disappeared once i was in the fleshy hollow of the bus.

something must be said of living in a place with seasons. As my Ceylonese flatmate pointed out: There's always something to look forward to.

and at that time it sounded like a revelation. now, it sounds like renewal.

so this is

2009-01-17T10:18:00.003+10:00

after a night's worth of brooding, this must be what love is:

to slave over what you love, wait on it hand and foot, forget all else in nurturing it
to exhaust yourself mentally and emotionally--- relentlessly
to invest all the time and give up on other things that would usually occupy you
to make excuses for it, giving yourself reasons to continue and push on "because its worth it" "because i have to" "because i want it"
to be bitterly disappointed when nothing turns out to your expectations (except maybe for what you've expected of yourself)

so this is love

still you try to fix it
think of ways to correct the wrong
find all possible solutions to it
keep the fire going, keep fighting for it

and then you know that there really is no way to turn around
everything is against your will
fate is cruel
blatantly obvious about going against you

so this is love

and the amazing thing is this: the sun came up again
there will be others to come
its not the last one
but it sure hurts
should've known better

makes me hesitate to attempt another
makes me wonder "why bother?"
makes me think of all the "what-ifs"
makes me wonder if i have the strength for the next one
am i capable of it
maybe the problem lies with me

so this is what happens when your love is violated
so this is what you feel when you've given everything for it-- helpless
so this is what being in love with music is

it knocks me out

arrrggghhh

2009-01-17T06:29:00.001+10:00

annoyed at

timing and scheduling of rooms and musicians

setting up of equipment and positioning

explaining music, describing effects

more annoyed at musicians

who cant be arsed about giving their best about someone else's project

who doesnt have the decency to even look sorry for their effort

who didnt bother to ask whats wrong- maybe they already know its THEM, thats whats wrong!

MOST annoyed at myself

for thinking positive- i KNEW i shouldnt have changed my views

for expecting better from Birm Con students- well, i know better now

Latin American rhythm is their weak link but worse still is their lack of respect for this style, thus lack of respect to the whole project

for being a perfectionist inside and a ragtag on the outside- i'm going to implode someday

music did not soar with swans

2009-01-09T09:30:00.005+10:00

I went to watch St Petersburg Ballet Theatre perform Swan Lake at Birmingham Symphony Hall on Monday night (5th jan 09).

it was the day that i woke up to a white white campus
it snowed heavily overnight and taking my first steps in the snow was an experience
it was like a toddler learning how to walk
i was slipping and sliding on my first few steps
and then i found out that by planting my feet firmly into the ground
i wont slip

but that means i have to plod along, lumbering with a thick coat, and stomp out the ice that clung to the sides of my boots

it is also the day of the eventful night at my flat which ended in 2 guys' squabbles.

but ANYWAY---- on to more savoury topics

swan lake!

i was mighty excited about watching the ballet live! i've never seen it before and the only memory i can conjure of it was when i was 3 feet tall, watching Disney's Swan Lake on a boxy black thing called the "videotape". and more recently an excerpt by the English National Ballet at Concert for Diana.

the set- great
the costumes- stunning, so detailed, even down to the boots which must be custom-made for the event
the lighting- did a good job, the "moonlight" was very convincing against the backdrop as well
the ballet---- excellent stuff. still could use some work. there were times when the "non-main stars" had ensemble dancing and i noticed some uncoordinated parts.

prince siegfried was a classic beauty. obviously chosen because he had sharp proud features, thick dark blonde locks, tall, and most importantly NICE LEGS = not too muscular, not too skinny, shapely. he did walk a little..... (dont know how to describe) ... something to do with the butt. hmmm..... it was certainly unique. but still, he had the ballet chops to carry out the leading role

odette/odile - sooo graceful. she was definitely a class above the other girls/swans/court-women. her arms were like wings, truly. and her solos were just full of intricate complicated ballet moves. always on tip-toes.. she NEVER walks on stage. one point she did pirouttes till i was dizzy. i have no idea how she managed to stop in time with the music and gracefully bow to our applause and danced off the stage...... she even has good facial expression. sad and hearbreakingly pitiful as a swan odette and seductive confident smile as odile.

court jester- was definitely an eye-catcher, not that he was physically attractive. shorter than the average ballet guys, he was never going to play prince siegfried in his career. but as court jester, he definitely expressed everything very well from his body movement and facial expressions. and he is very skillful, did plenty gymnasticsy things like the jump-turn sideways thingy in a circle..etc.

now on to the main part--- the music!

initially it was slightly shocking to hear some bum notes here and there.. but nothing obvious

then it was downright disgusting (esp at scene 2 at the lake where its the familiar dramatic theme of swan lake) the whole scene was mostly with slow soloistic music. and at times they just about scrape through with accompanying the ballet dancers. because its slow that means they have to follow the dancers more than the beat. scene 1 was quick and upbeat so its more in time and thats fine. but scene 2... they just CAN"T do this!!! its disappointing to say the least.

later when i thought its not possible to get any worse, it was absolutely appalling (the gall of the musicians!!!!!!) the wind section- not happening, the brass section- not happening.. and here i thought the string section was bad... it was pitchy, uncoordinated.... *sigh* they're making everyone look like ugly ducklings.

and then i just gave up.... and i started to wonder how can these great ballet ppl dance to this music.
and then i thought... maybe this ballet company isnt like.. world class enough...
and then i thought.. i'm wasting my money
and then i gasped!

Odile received a bouquet of flowers from Prince Siegfried as a gesture of his intense love for her and she nastily tossed the flowers away *poof* petals everywhere *GASP*! poor Siegfried

oh yes.. i was caught up with the ballet too you know.. not just thinking about how horrid the orchestra was.

at the interval time i overheard someone asking the usherer who orchestra were- whether they were Birmingham Symphony or...?
"oh.. they belong to the ballet company...."

maybe its because i'm a musician that i care about the details of the music
but in all honesty, the ballet is famous BECAUSE of the music. BECAUSE Tchaikovsky wrote music FOR the ballet. they absolutely ruined the performance. but otherwise, if you went to the concert for the sole purpose of enjoying the ballet, you would've gotten your money's worth.
and i suppose (by that reasoning) i did!

untimely distractions

2009-01-07T11:15:00.001+10:00

"sorry for all of this"

"sorry for the noise, pei"

can you still be sorry when i flunk my assignment!?!

"laura's drunk ... you might want to go back to your room"

is this how a nursing student should behave?

i've reached my tether. i cant put up with this anymore. i only have this week to finish my assignments!

somehow i think authority's reaction will arrive.... not soon enough.

sigh

build character (thanks pete.....*sigh*)

flat 7 review

2009-01-07T05:20:00.001+10:00

i used to be so grateful that i live at the end of the corridors with a fire door as further sound barrier. last night taught me- NO WHERE IS SAFE!! my flatmates (4 of em) were hanging out in the kitchen with a few other friends from different flats. and suddenly i heard the lot of them moving to my end of the corridor! they were all coming through!!!!

OH NOOOOOO!!!!!!

apparently security's told them to keep it down and he'll come back to check on them. and their brilliant idea was to move down to my end!!!

for the next two hours (11pm-1am) there was kerfuffles all the way

1. when security came back to check in- everyone did a mad dash for the showers (just right next to my room), switched off the lights, pretended to be doing some washing up in the kitchens.... of course he wasnt fooled.

2. they brought in the radio and plugged it into the wall .... yes loud junk music playing outside my room corridors.

by this time i have given up hope of doing anything productive and decided to just go to bed -- it is quite late afterall. and theres good reason for me to get up early and go to uni to practice anyways. i half thought of giving security a call and tell them to cuff my flatmates away. but its BECAUSE of security that they are hanging out in my corridors.

3. at 1am ish they were still going on as loudly and chatting away... and i was putting away my stuff, packing my bag for tmrw and then i heard 2 guys arguing..something or other about one guy kissing the others' gf. and *ooooo... interesting, ears perked up*

flatmate1: alright guys break it up

flatmate2: if you guys want to continue, take it outside... take it outside

flatmate3: non of that in here.

flatmate1: comeon guys ..just stop.

meanwhile

guy2: *something about kissing flatmate5*

guy1: i trust *flatmate5*! you can say ****** you want

guy1: how would you feel if i kissed your gf?

guy2: *inaudible...*

guy1: well, merry christmas fran! where's fran? i'm going to find her (fran was also part of the entourage of "visiting friends")

guy 2: you... *bla bla*

i really have no memory of what guy2 said, but because i know guy1 (he's dating flatmate 5) so thats prob why i remember his end of things.

they girls went to the kitchens or somewhere else trying to sidestep the guys' argument

the guys must be trying to find Fran

later, the guys are back... talking...

flatmates return- trying to be adults about the whole situation

flatmate1: ok guys just calm down

flatmate 3: there are 2 other ppl in bed, you know (meaning me and flatmate8)... break it up guys

guy1: no we understand. we;re not having a go at each other

guy2: we're just having a chat.

etc...

and then flatmate7 poked her head out of the room: you guys, take it outside.... there are other ppl sleeping ............. no, its not just me... its Di and P.A. in their rooms there.. (there= pass the fire doors into OUR corridors)

etc...

soon 2am ppl went home to their respective rooms and flats.

*phew*

then i heard flatmate8 (opp me) timidly open her doors and went to shower! ****** what! she waited alllll this while for them to get away from our corridors before she dared to have her showers!*****

a very short-lived 30 mins later

*SQUEAL* *door-banging*

the girls must've been reviewing the earlier fight.... and have only now gone to respective rooms.

i woke up at 9am today. forced my eyes open. went to make myself a strong cup of coffee and toasts.

my flatmates- they will be the early death of me.

i'm torn between wanting to take serious action (ie: report to security or higher authority) or truly enjoying the experience while it lasts. how long more can i live with them? just mere months. and then after summer, everyone will lead separate lives outside campus accommodations (except for the few of them whose decided to find a place together)

in the beginning

2009-01-04T03:43:00.001+10:00

here we start a new year again.

it's 5.28pm, 3rd Jan and my first post of 2009.

i've only resurfaced to bloggin world after digging myself out of the ass-ignment-hole and at this very moment i'm starting to feel a little less anxious. a little more normal. i had time to make myself lunch, an afternoon snack, took time to open the windows in my room to breathe the fresh air (i have been locked away in this tall tall tower of academia--- i cant very well say i'm in the dungeons cause i'm on the top floor of my flats)

i've had a read through of my essay thus far and felt excited about writing out the conclusion today. its my "think about essay" day. i've devoted the past 5 days to "think about nonet". thankfully i've done most of the major construction on my essay before i left to Christmasland. and now i've put down the essay and books to ponder more deeply about my conclusion-- i really want to write something profound about boredom and jazz. (trust me to choose a wacko topic)

i've opened Finale to start keying in the notes to my nonet. i have NO IDEA how it sounds.. i've written about 8 pages of music and i'm about to start hearing on midi what i've created. if all things goes well, it should only be minor tweakings... if not... i'll prob have to do major surgery on it...

its hard to believe its been a week since i was back from Christmasland.

two housemates have returned back. the rest will be back tomorrow. the ceiling will fall again. the kitchens will be grossed out again, the doors will be a-banging.. and goodness knows what else. they'll be FULLY recharged from their holidays to make even more mayhem than before they left. and poor me will be quite quite feeble to handle anything....

if all goes well, this last week before uni reopens on 12th will be the week i tidy up my work and prep it for presentation/ delivery.

*fingers crossed*

ps: i have also been trying to exercise my virtual power to finding interesting spots to visit, train times and fares for mum and sis in my "time-out" sessions of assignmenting.

stuffs that happening been

2008-12-30T00:11:00.002+10:00

it was warm for 3 days leading to Christmas Day. unusually so that i was only wearing a shirt and my heavy coat and still i felt that should wear something thinner.

Boxing Day came in full bloom of sun and clear skies, bright, cheery-- a farce from the window.
Outside, it was freezing cold. i was walking about with a brainache because of the sudden cold my poor ears and head were exposed to.

the family i was staying with over Christmas were so very nice. All i had to do was help myself. They werent going to trip themselves over offering me anything. It was there for the helping.
Great dinners- from simple sausage, cauliflower, cheese bake--- to--- chicken ...something complex or other--- to--- roast turkey and etc.--- to--- just plain pasta with mascarpone.

there was also raspberry lemongrass trifle on christmas day...and some pear puddingy thingy on a few days before....
i have NO KNOWLEDGE of such food. we Malaysians are simple folk. we enjoy a good meal without the complicated ovens and bakes.... or the fancy dinnerwares... we eat out of a plastic box, a communal plastic plate, by the longkang, next to smokers, car exhausts, burning woks, stuffy restaurants.

Even breakfast was an event to me! walnut bread (never heard of that), german stollen bread (aha i brought that as a house gift), ciabatta, bacon and eggs, scrambled eggs and salmon (ooooo.....delicious), everything in the house in top class stuff..... even the coffee is brewed from this amazing metal invention on the hob, milk too.... good grief.. mustve been expensive to drink coffee from that. i'm just a dried-freeze coffee girl.

well what can i say? when your mum is a Jewish-Italian mama she's bound to feed everyone in her sight. rich food...rich rich food....and on top of that. i got christmas present as well! body shop lotion and bath gel. AND a box of cadbury later on (something to do with the lack of Christmas stockings?) hmm..

and since i've been back to birm, i'm back to my plain cheap food again. cooking in one pot, serving myself with a mismatched bowl or a larger salad bowl (i dont even have a plate).. missing my butter knife (someone somewhere must have it in their cupboard... i'll sort that out once everyone's returned from hols) ... one set of spoon, fork, chopsticks.... all mismatched.

and before November i had no glasses.. i was drinking everything out of my mug. its clearly an existence i've created for a single person with no friends. i dont have any spare cutlery if my friend visits... nor spare glass (well, before Nov anyway.. i'm sorted now)

and you know what? i've got assignments to do! i've been painfully and very slowly working my way through a 2000 word essay. i've got it up to 1700.... another day and it should reach 2000.. and THEN i'll have to edit- which means lesser words, which means trying to get more necessary info in again.. and edit and add and edit and add..

OH and then.... there's the arrangement for nonet! brilliant! my college's not open so i cant play on the piano. i have to "imagine" 9 different instruments in my head and write them down so that they make perfect sense when played together. I am no Beethoven!!!!!!

i'm glad i got myself out of Christmasland quick before i got used to having good food, comfy beds and sweet country life.

*sob sob sob*.. its cold outside. i'm eating miserable food.. (well, my cooking) and... and... i'm no good in doing my assignments............ *sniff* i just want to get it done... and done perfectly.

i think i'll go practice some Bach. my violin's here with me and no one else is in the flat. maybe Bach can talk some sense into me....

hmmm

2008-12-18T09:28:00.002+10:00

i wonder why i'm still eating "the Dutch original great butter cookies" when i've had:

croque madame
5 mince pies
5 scones with strawberries + cream
5 glasses of orange juice
(estimates only.... actual figure is measured by the diameter of my tummy)
a large helping of cottage pie

"the Duthc original great butter cookies" werent like the butter cookies i know from back home. hmm... *disappointed* what a waste of 50p

it is made for cheap snacking, though...

clementines

2008-12-14T08:09:00.002+10:00

i've recently discovered the joys of clementine... fruit.

not shoes.

who knew these little orange-mandarin lookalikes are so sweet, cheap, and tidy
i mean it should've been obvious to me at first go
but this week there's a sale for a bag of clementines at 99p

and i've never spent a better penny than on these clementines. (i'm sure there are exceptions but.. )

i eat them when i feel like having a sugar rush
i eat them when i'm stuck doing my work and feel like just.. gnawing or nibbling things
i eat them in the morning, at school, in between classes, in between practice, as fruit after dinner

just have a diet of clementines.. forget veges, forget meat, forget noodles. all i need is just clementines! i'd eat them ALL THE TIME if i could...
one bag comes with about 15 clementines and i can comfortably fit two in one palm and roll them

aha! another use for clementines- finger exercise! who needs grandma yin-yang balls anymore..

oh the joy!
and its seedless!!! oooo
and its not as fibroid as CNY mandarins where you'd peel the yellow trails off for ages and ages and get about 5 seeds in one pip.

i love clementines!!!! i'll never eat another orange or mandarin EVER! (until mum comes along and stuff them down my throat...)

banging my head on A-A-A

2008-12-08T06:54:00.006+10:00

i have an unending factory line of work to do

i have 3 major assignments due within a week of each other

in January

since its Christmas, it makes it all the much harder to get into the "zone"

of hard work

the right work ethic

or the right amount of dillegence and effort

i just want to sit back and just be

write music, write some words

maybe take a walk and see the world pass by

just exist with no other purpose but to convert

oxygen into carbon dioxide

i find myself fighting against myself

there are so many distractions

like food

or flatmates

or the worrying fact that i need new musicians

preferably before Christmas

so that i can do a performance in January

and i've got the usual practice to take into account

the continuous writing of new songs

i find myself being torn between either submitting to

a new melody, new riff, new rhythm, new song

doing my assignments

which involves writing an arrangement for a nonet

and a 2500 word essay on my chosen issue: jazz and boredom

and also an aural transcription with analysis and 30min presentation

all this requires attention.

100% focus and dedication

but i'm feel like doing what comes naturally

like writing a new song and giving a bit more time to actually

produce at FULL potential

Assignments, Arrangements, Analysis

lon-don

2008-12-01T09:01:00.007+10:00

what i love:
public transport- you cant dispute the fact that its so efficient- i champion the tube! and with one oyster i can go almost anywhere!

classic architecture- i cant pinpoint any one specific building or location, its all mish-mesh of stuff
different parts of london have a different vibe. some parts are plain hectic, others a bit posh, some just rustic blocks and blocks of.. flats and offices. plenty of squares. picadilly, trafalgar, soho, southbank.

culture- plenty of museums, galleries, cathedrals. a haven for travel-wanderers like myself. the fact that its so international and multi-racial allows london to have a great fusion of culture in terms of food and shopping.

what i hate:

-hectic- rush- crowd-

its only a pain to travel at peak hours. taking the tube is a nightmare! esp at certain stops.. sometimes its easier to just walk. thats another lovely thing about central london... just walk and walk and you'll just reach somewhere which you initially thought you had to take transport to get to. signposts are everywhere to show you all the landmarks.

for eg. i was at barbican centre (barbican stop) and i saw signs for another tube line (st.pauls stop) and instead of going back the same way i came, i decided to walk to the other tube stop. along the way, i found a silent green spot called Postman's Park. you wouldnt even have thought of finding a place like that when the majestic St Paul's cathedral was about 500m away and the main road is right outside, facing large office blocks.

i kept thinking about what birmingham has to offer in comparison to london. brum is so "tiny". everything seems smaller now in brum.
1. birmingham symphony hall is the best hall in the world (it is a fact!)
2. the bull ring- was a shining futuristic backdrop against which St Martin's Cathedral is set
3. space seems to be in want in london, but here in my brum city i spread my arms wide trying to hug it after being away for 4 days. (tried to when i was carrying huge luggage and backpack)
4. we are known for the best curries too
5. Westmount Hall, Flat 7, Room 9 never seemed more inviting than the day i got back .. "home sweet home"

facebook album: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=187632&l=9f2f2&id=895185380

oh yeah.. and the reason that i'm in london in the first place, the very main thing i should be gabbing on about:

Chucho Valdes gig was awesome! he sounds more amazingly musical (if thats possible) than on any album i've heard him on.

Chick Corea +John McLaughlin + Christian McBride + Vinnie Colaiuta + Kenny Garrett = the most powerful musical cocktail ever!

realisation

2008-11-27T07:37:00.004+10:00

i think i've come to a stage where i need to comb my hair

i have been living in the dark ages of hair fashion

comb?

bobby pins?

hair mousse?

all completely foreign to me

sigh

this means extra 5 minutes every day wasted

to comb out the sleep muss from my hair

to comb out tangles after shower

maybe i'll start wearing beanies all day long

to keep the hair in check under one garment

keeps it away from my eyes and ears and neck

PLUS i dont have to comb it!

PER-FECT!

does this look like someone in need of a good combing?

hmm...

roast dinner-shower-alarm

2008-11-17T07:58:00.005+10:00

tonight our flat had the most stuffed dinner of all- chicken roast dinner.

chicken roast
potato mash
sweet potato and carrots mash
stuffings
roast pumking and leeks
steamed brocolli
yorkshire pudding

with bread sauce and roast gravy

i was stuffed to bits. i cannot cram anything at all. by the end of it, i could only waddle to the shower rooms to get a quick shower before i crawl into my cave-room and hibernate this food away.

that was the plan anyway.

i was in the last stages of my shower when i heard an ungodly ear-splitting shriek of the fire alarm. in that tiny shower cubicle the sound just radiates into the depths of my bones. i'm freaking out trying to wrap a towel around me and grab my glasses, fled into my room (met my flatmate who was doubling over with laughter when she saw me) and tried to put on my dressing gown. meanwhile, i'm already having other flatmates banging on my door asking me to get out.

panic does no one good. its not like i'm going to die in the next 10 seconds of me putting my dressing gown on and tying it firmly. and there's no way i'm leaving my building with nothing but a towel!! i got out of my building and stood around the open parking lot, my hair still dripping with water over my glasses.

suddenly my other flatmates realised that i just got out of showers and they were doubling over with laughter...... *sheesh*... and then ANOTHER friend from the other block saw me and asked if i just came out of shower.... seriously? yeah, seriously......... that friend of mine will be conducting our choir concert tmrw morning-- he'd better be nice to me or i'll get a deathly cold and just ruin the entire performance.

its a good thing its not as cold as the last time we had a fire alarm at 3.30am. or i REALLY would have gotten pneumonia.

i dont know which is worse. being interupted in sleep or in showers.

but apart from that, i live for these moments in life!

german markets

2008-11-16T09:05:00.000+10:00

oooo.. the German markets are here!

we're hosting them for a month.. till a week to Christmas

its awesome!

brawurst

gluhwine

berliner

nutcracker dolls

assortment of trinkets

toys

un-german things like

tibetan singing bowls

chinese yin yang balls (grandma rolls them in her hands)

hippie clothing (ie Nepalese made- at rip-off prices!)

thai fisherman's pants

etc.

basically, money spent in the spirit of Christmas

the stalls truly set up a holiday spirit

i tried a cup of hot wine and

hotdog bun with red sausage (which must've been a foot long!)

every stall has a 3 pound deposit on the mugs

so that you dont just walk off with it after you're done drinking

but i reckon i should keep one as a souvenier

well, not KEEP it..

i PAID for it!

now you see why i just HAD to forfeit my 3 pound deposit?

it even says Frankfurter Weihnachtsmarkt on the front of the picture

which i took to say: german very nice market

so its definitely a "sign"

the hollandology experience

2008-11-15T08:52:00.004+10:00

few things to know about dave holland:

1. he speaks like an American- his accent is somewhat distinctly American, no longer British. he even uses terms like "quarter notes" and "eighth notes" and not "crotchets" or "quavers"

2. at 62 yrs old, he looks incredibly fit. flat tummy- something i couldnt help noticing as he was showing us how to hold the bass and he had to unzip his most-daggy-fleece-vest. he has got great posture and hand technique and finger pizzicato technique. there was such a noticeable difference when the bass students got up to demonstrate their posture and when DH showed his. (i mean, DUH! but still...)

3. he's human afterall! at the night concert with John Taylor (keys), he messed up the unison line with the piano at the end of a piece. it was just too fast and intricate for him (to be fair, it was JT's composition and not his, and they've only got together that afternoon to "discuss" the songs) and he pointed a finger pistol at his head at the end of it. =]

4. PASSION! when talking to us, he's the epitome of cool and always has the understanding nod of our weakness. when he's playing he just let loose, behaving however he likes with the instrument, pulling faces, its clear for all to see how affected he is by the music. and its the little things of music that excite him.

its not like this kinda rhythmic licks or jumps havent been played before, but when JT plays them, DH just allows himself to let the music work in him, no matter how many times this kinda 'play' has been played out by him. its nothing legendarily amazing but just the great chemistry between musicians that spark such enjoyment and appreciation for the time of performance.

JT and DH talk about their pieces throughout the concert, little anecdotes, and suddenly they seem to be just holding a conversation amongst themselves in front of the audience!!!
background: JT and DH used to live together as young lads (19 yrs old..) and play music together, and its interesting how their careers have blossommed over the years, playing with great American artists (such as Kenny Wheeler) as well. and now they come back to where it all started- DH is a Wolverhampton boy, just the county away from Birmingham! now, they both wear glasses to read music, their hairs are white, and their faces lined.

and then at the end of the concert, he's back to his cool self again. waving at audience, hand-to-heart salute for us. did one encore piece and that was it! no more dave holland till next year.

ps: oh the student band played in the first set-- its a special group of students put together to perform the music of Dave Holland and they get coaching from him throughout the week. they did amazingly well! i really enjoyed their performance as well.

i really hope to do well and get selected for coaching from him as well--- its all based on merit.

spotted on 29th oct 2008

2008-11-13T06:36:00.005+10:00

winter wonderland at my campus

can u spot the two snowmen?

father on left

mother on right

baby next to mother (nondescript)

here we go: mother and baby aka mound of ice

this happened when the temperature suddenly dropped to -2 degrees overnight

and now, a few weeks later, temperature is behaving at 5-10 degrees

rain and shine

2008-11-08T22:59:00.003+10:00

i was about to come on the blog to post about how the skies seem to have given in to the sombre mood and just SOBBBBED big fat rain tears (a rarity)... when about 10 mins later, the sun is now shining and the skies are blue and clear. its such a pretty day that you wouldn't believe it was just grey and gloomy a while ago.

my friend mentioned to me that birmingham was known as the Windy City.. which is why rains dont last very long and it all gets blown away very quickly. really, its so quick that its a little unbelievable. and here was me thinking that it'll be raining the entire day.

hollandology

2008-11-08T06:41:00.004+10:00

the ever supreme jazz bassist Dave Holland is coming to Birmingham Conservatoire!

when i first heard that he's the Resident Visiting Artist of the department, i was shaking with excitement.... wow... this is HIS school, HIS department, HIS centre of hollandology. i mean, i'll be a graduate of hollandology (hopefully)....

and now, i hear that he comes TWICE in an academic year!!!!! oooooohhhhh *faints*

i told my sis about Dave Holland, and in typical fashion: who is that? oh.... so that means he's like the best in the world la...? *ahem in jazz we're all accepting, everyone's a genius and no one's better than another, we're ALL unique and special*

c: so what he looks like ah?
n: well, he's quite old la.... i mean.. not OLD OLD.. but like.. botak.. nononono.. not botak. but short hair.. and white hair already la..... but tall and very hm hm gaya..
c: oooooo....
n: kinda like ... Sean Connery! (the first name that pops to mind)
c: OOOOOOOO....... *wide eyes*
n: yeah...

i shared my sean connery opinion with several guy friends.. and all of them totally REJECTED it!!! like somehow.. Sean Connery is a little too far to describe a man of stature and genius and cool. Do all guys worship Sean Connery as "the ultimate" man?

What's wrong with Dave Holland?

oh, i do hope i can get his autograph and picture with him
well, mostly i hope i progress well enough in the course before he comes next year so that i may have an opportunity to have a masterclass with him. They only pick students based on merit to have a masterclass with Dave 'jazz bass god' Holland.

or maybe, i'll just be too star-struck to perform in front of him.

i'm already imagining what the moment will be--- when its not even certain i'll get one.

miserably excellent 21st

2008-11-03T04:33:00.003+10:00

as of 1st november, the weather in birmingham decided to be nasty. by nasty- i dont mean gales of storm and flash flooding- still, i might as well have been! well no. i woke up to grey cloudy sky.. and i was supposed to be visiting digbeth, a good 500m stretch of walk from BullRing-- its known for its flea markets and vintage shops.

i put on my boots, tucked my cuffs in, and put on a coat. walked out the front door of my building only to walk back in and up to my room to get my umbrella. when i came back down, it was drizzling slightly. suddenly it was blowing so harshly i was afraid my umbrella will "pop". then i gave up, stood under a shaded building and packed my umbrella. i'm going to walk to the bus stop with my hood up, i decided. when i reached the city, it stopped drizzling and the sky looked like it'll hold the rains off for the entire day.

Digbeth is very interesting. it has vintage shops, and theres this place called Custard Factory which holds an art gallery, some shops, a small broadcast radio... mini minor shops. basically, quirky interesting things. And here i found the elusive violin shop that i've wanted to visit ever since i got here (but the transport website is quite incomplete when giving instructions) Also, there is a pub by the corner of a road that is exactly like the many we saw at Stratford--- all Tudor. genuine Tudor too by the looks of it.. where they had a wider upper floor compared to the lower one.

i got home in the evening to make myself dinner, oven baked fish with asam sauce and noodles and veges (because i've got no rice cooker- and i'm no expert at cooking rice in a pot). i only cook fish when my housemate who is allergic to all things seafood is not around (that is, when she's back hometown)

at night, i went out to watch zoe rahman in concert. the weather is such that i dont want to go out, it was drizzling AGAIN and i just wanted to curl in my bed and enjoy the quiet quiet flat (as far as i know, there's only me and another girl in the flat for the night) but what a boring way to spend one's 21st wouldnt u think?

the concert was absolutely worth the cold and drizzle! and i bought a CD frm it as well. so that's where my money go.. on travel and music. when i got back, my other flatmate came around and asked if she could borrow a movie off me, and i desperately suggested we could watch it together (unless she was having friends over, in which case i'll just sulk in my room and pretend to syok sendiri)..... no,,, she will watch with me!

miss congeniality does wonders for the all around gloomy day.

there shouldnt be great big landmark birthdays-- like your 12th, 18th, 21st, 50th...notice the big gap between 21 and 50? why didnt ppl create landmark birthdays in between? we;re too "sensible" for that? in my archives, i never had a big bash for any of my birthdays. and only made plans to have a party for my 20th. thats the only birthday that i can remember wanting to host a get together.

i guess we take birthday celebrations as they come right? if it can be made into a nice event, so be it. if not,,, then its just like that isnt it? but here's to a good year ahead in my music-making! and hopefully better weather.... SOON!

ps: my bday at brisbane last year was also marred by clouds all day.. a little worrying when a bbq was planned for the night. could be something to do with the fact that i'm born in the monsoon season......hmm

stratford-upon-avon

2008-10-27T03:55:00.013+10:00

trip: 25th oct 2008

i know i should;ve posted this up sooner. but it takes ages to upload one picture. and i've just about given up posting a ton of pics. my uni's internet is fast (relative to my home internet) but its slower than my home internet when posting pics on blogger.

*sigh* they sure know how to steer us away from time-wasting internet activities.

what can i say? its my first time travelling in UK and going into the countryside is a new experience for me. particularly when we got off 2 stops too early and had to trek about 4 miles++ to find Mary Arden's House Farm thingy.

its not the most fun thing to do.. although we ate apples from an apple tree by the corner of a road.. ate wild berries growing off the bushes... did NOT eat wild mushromms growing off the ground.... saw road kill of a big bird buzzard.. and then few metres down a badger roadkill... petted the MOST adorable labrador sitting outside the local chemist... and then just being blown away by the rushing cars on the highway, walking in an endless open field and seeing the little green train pass by in the distance of the field and hill (that should;ve been us still ON IT!!!! )

did i mention the endless walking? even when we reached the "lane" we're supposed to turn into there was like another mile of walking.. before we even see Mary Arden's House... by the time we reached there i was ready to hug the pillars and sob for joy... and prob kiss all the cows and goats...

whats so important about Mary Arden? she's Shakespeare's mum. and that's her house farm we're visiting. after walking about 3 hours, we reached her house. and that's not even Stratford yet- the intended place of visit.

so it was about 4.45pm when we reached Stratford- its the next train stop from Mary Arden's closest train stop. Stratford is a pretty cosy town. really cosy, i'd say. i totally enjoyed it. Its great to just walk the entire town and finding our way to the big old church by the river where Shakespeare's body is laid. but it wasnt open for viewing by the time we go there. besides u have to pay 50p just to look at a tomb? walking down the river, we passed by the theatre which houses the Royal Shakespeare Company (i think).

its rather unfortunate i cant post more pics up. or dont have the patience to organise them and all that. maybe someday.... when i need to clear up desktop of stray photo albums.

spot the difference

2008-10-24T17:48:00.002+10:00

at 8.30am- like sunrise

at midday- one of those gloomy days

both were taken on different days.

my baby...

2008-10-24T08:36:00.003+10:00

aww.. isnt he just adorable..

and he fits in my palm...

i knew i did music for a reason.

and excuse to get wonderful gadgets

or in this case..receive wonderful gadgets..

rude awakening

2008-10-19T13:05:00.002+10:00

i was having a bad dream. it ended with everyone killing each other, guts sputtering out, bloody coughed out everywhere, someone (most prob me) tracing out "enough, enough, enough" with the blood whilst waiting for my last breath..........

and then.

the wonderful fire alarm woke me from my tragedy

which might have been a good thing. if my mind believes that i've died in my dream, then i wont ever wake up from it.

on the other hand, being thrust into the 10 degree celcius night at 3.20am can take the life out of you.

you see, i'm not going to die of a fire
i'm not going to die in my stupid dream
i might just die of pneumonia

and i was bemoaning that a little too loudly in my delirium of sleep+bloody aftertaste

i think someone may have overheard me.
i'm going back to bed.
i've thought of writing out my composition now
but whom am i kidding?
i'd be decomposing

story of my life--- maybe

2008-10-15T07:40:00.001+10:00

During Fresher's Fair, we get to visit booths of .... things.. and get free lollies, brochures, snacks... whatever... just many booklets about things. and you sign up to clubs and bookstores and try to get some discount vouchers.

And one such store was about ... safety in accommodation... something boring and unexciting like that.... which was giving away a Free Ipod Shuffle! all you have to do is choose out of a multitude of little squares, place a dot with your number on one of them squares and keep wishing on a falling star that you win. i went to the booth, pretended to look interested, signed up on a list, got me sticker and chose from the remaining squares which wasnt many to choose from since i came in late. With my "so-whatever" attitude, i put it on one and moved on with life. That was like 3 weeks ago.

Today, i got an email saying that i won! But i'll need to bring in this brochure "Rough Guide To Safe Student Accommodation". Yeah right! Like i remembered to keep it in the first place. Those things went out with other papers and junk ads. I mean, i didnt even think about the ipod competition when i went home- it was as if i didnt enter it at all!

I didnt remember it until i read the email and went "huh? is this some junk-spam mail they sent to everyone in hopes that an unsuspecting soul might unknowingly divulge their bank accounts and pin numbers and all that"

I've replied the email with an "i'm sorry i dont have that booklet anymore BUT i've got "Student Survival Guide" booklet!!!!!"

that sounds more promising right? at least i'm still concerned about safety in some sense...

they are not giving away their ipod shuffle to some hopeless cause!

yeah!

well.. NOW looks like i've got to wish on a falling star that they'll just give me the ipod, booklet or no! sighhh...

didnt they know my life was blissful without thinking about the ipod?

i guess they dont care.

i feel like i always get myself into all sorts

is there

2008-10-13T07:45:00.001+10:00

is there anything sexier than John Mayer singing "Stop This Train"?

brad pitt saying you're much better than peanut butter?

what about John Mayer's solo at eric clapton's guitar fest? *sizzle.....*

then there's brad pitt saying "Right there, beyond the beach, its your destiny! Claim it!"

can you tell i like john mayer and brad pitt? nonono i dont aspire to be jen aniston. in fact, i wish she was still with brad or john... anyone.. i wish her the best. but its this two individual guys that just gets me started.

ok.. maybe i'm just wasting time on the blog. i'm trying to write my 20-minute presentation and should probably get back to it. if only we can do studies on john mayer's music. that'd give me an excuse to stalk him and beg an "interview".

random pics of an autumn day in birm

2008-10-12T06:56:00.005+10:00

HRH Queen Victoria

Victoria Square in front of Council House

Council House

William Wilberforce??

some activist for reformation and the lot

this is at Chamberlain Square

some folks just keen to be in the picture

teacher

2008-10-09T19:49:00.002+10:00

i've got a new teacher. he plays the saxophone but he also teaches almost every student in the jazz department- seeing as that it is dominated by saxophonists.

also, regular piano students.. drums.. even me, violin.. get sent to him. i was beginning to wonder whats so special about him? what magic secrets does he possess that all who study at the Conservatoire must pass through him; this initiation fire?

the first time i called him to set up a lesson, it was 10.30am.

m: ...hmnh hello...
n: hello, is this mike williams?
m: ..s,hhmhmm.. yeah.. this is he.... (sounding most hungover)
n: yes hi, i'm pei ann, your violin student at the con. i was wondering if we could set up a time for lessons.
m:... mhjmh yeah.. hi.. uhh.. thanks for calling... etc.etc.etc.

doesnt sound very positive right?

*chatter*
m: so where are u from?
n: malaysia
m: hmm... *gibberish*
n: ha?
m: ... *are u.. hmhmmt*
n: huh? sorry what?
m: are you muslim then?
n: no.. i;m not
m: oh ok.. just thought you're from malaysia and all

*thinks* thats weird...... why would he ask that? thats not very relevant to setting up class times or learning about my musical background.

and yesterday i found out why.
mike also teaches a Musicianship class for all grad dips. so we've got a class every week with him.
he looks like... dare i say this... a Jew
short-ish for a guy, scraggly beard, bald but he's wearing a skull cap over, not the typical jewish one but its light blue mini beanie- if you will.
he sounds english. or.. well.. Brummy (birminghamers)
and they are known for their terrible accent as well. i can hardly understand them sometimes. such a contrast to the London slang- we've got a student from london- and man.. does he SPEAK english! so proper and clear!!!

well, whatever it is, i think he's kinda scary as a teacher. certainly very eccentric... and could be quite fierce?? i dont know... i'm a little scared of him............

glum glooms

2008-10-07T20:54:00.001+10:00

yesterday was the day i spotted a tree stripped bare of leaves. the first one ever.

yes....... i'm entering a dark and lifeless period from now on.

the temperature was postiviely cruel on october 1st. the first official day of autumn (for brummies) but i didnt expect it to be that accurate! since when has the weather obeyed man's time? BUT i was in for the cold shock.

on first of october, the weather was chilllyyy..... a marked difference from the day before.

i thought about gloves, about wooly scarves, possibly a thick beanie.

but most of all, i was thinking of some leather boots. any kind. i dont care if its PCK's yellow ones

it drizzles lightly all day..every few...(watever timing) times... so the ground was always wet, the cuffs of my jeans soaked, which made the back of my canvas shoes wet. i was miserable. i dont like wet weather. to top it up, there was strong winds as well.

let me tell u more about this drizzle. its not like fat droplets u get back home.

its not even australian drizzle, where its a little dodgy.. but substantial enough to bring out the brolly

here, its like a sprinkling-- like the cooler-water fans on hot summer days in a crowded stadium or mamak stalls

only sometimes it does come up to a little something more than sprinkles but its coupled with some winds.

i dont even know whether i should bring out the umbrella or not. put up the hood on my jumper and thats about it.

but the wind.. ooooo the cold wind, freezes me up especially after getting a light coating of rain.

and i have to wait for the bus in the small lane where the wind is a little more ferocious than if you're standing in the middle of a big square (u know.. science of air pressure and all that)

now i walk on pavements full of dead leaves... dead, wet leaves.

not fun

so gross

most definitely NOT pretty

its come to the point where staying in your flat makes you the happiest person, and you think you're in such a good condition that you could actually consider the prospect of living life and working hard and doing well and being successful and ambitious ... all those sweet positive things

well, i'll save this speech for wintry days.

i have no idea whats in stall for me, do i?

now any day that i wake up with sunlight streaming in, i;m soooo grateful.

its mostly cloudy days that threaten to just sprinkle

ugh

like today

thankfully i dont have classes in the morning

at least it gives me time to motivate myself

free chocs!

2008-10-04T05:09:00.004+10:00

woo hooo... i went into city tody to do some shopping at the markets. i got stopped by a lady halfway asking if i'd be interested to do some marketing survey. takes about 25 mins but i'd get chocolates at the end...

yeah sure!!! for chocolates.. i'd do it all!!!

well, i've got no classes today but still, a little chocolate wouldnt hurt my endorphins count, which is travelling on nil at the moment.

i watched ads about windows.

answered a LOT of questions

and then watched ads by SkyTV, Orange, Apple

answered a LOT of questions

man.. i must say, these other brands do a more believable, credible, likeable ad than windows.
the reason?

hmmm... give me more chocolates first! =]

ps: i got a box of 'celebrations' chocolates. with a variety of milky way, snickers, mars, maltesers, caramel galaxies, truflle galaxies, and bounty.

not a bad coup, for 30 mins inside a heated building.

today

2008-09-27T00:35:00.003+10:00

such an eventful day:

i woke up to the fire alarm from the next block only to see the whole place covered in light mist.
golly, it must've been cold for those POOOOORRR ppl who had to get out of the building in the pajamas. they had two alarms last night.

i got an english test today- 9,30am, so i was first out of the flat while everyone else must be nursing party headaches from the night before (honestly, how can the uni organise party nights EVERY NIGHT for 2 whole weeks before uni starts? we'd all lose our brain cells before even starting classes!)

walking towards the bus stop it was great to see mist coming out everytime i breathe. sooo cool..... *sakai*

there's police blocks in the city. oh right, the Conservative party is gathering for a big meet today at the Symphony Hall. bright jacketed Mr and Miss Plods around the city. the Hyatt Regency is also fenced with police at every entrance. All Mr Bigshots of the party must be staying there. really reminds me of the time APEC was at Sydney and we're seeing scenes of a city lockdown on news.

visited the fresh market, bought garlic and onions (now i feel like i can make a decent meal!) and Asian sauces, noodles, white pepper (essential, man), some sad specimens of taufu and fishballs (losers cant be choosers) and a nice big knife which i had to bargain for. shopowner looks indian? or muslim indian sort? pakistan maybe?

shopowner: its 3.99 pounds, i give you 3.50
(hmmph, thinking i'd JUMP at the price)
me: nonono.... its your last one here! cant be 3.50..... 3 pounds!
shopowner: no cannot la...
me: really, its your last knife here, it has to be cheaper!
shopowner: *indefinte...mumble*
me: 3.20 (i really want to just get it over with)
shopowner: *Indian-like nod*.....

how exciting! to employ Asian-like marketing prowess in the street markets of UK.. well, of course as you can tell, it wasnt much of a price tussle... but still... its something, no?

i shall do some culinary experiment tonight with Curry Laksa!!!
hope no one enters the kitchen or joins me for dinner... i'd be too embarassed to cook, then.

as mayhem descends

2008-09-22T03:21:00.003+10:00

i dont know what hypnotised me into thinking living in halls are cool. in some ways they still are, but i;m living in a flat with 8 other squealing girls, all local ones. i;m feeling mighty strange. at least other flats that i know of has more than 1 interntional student per flat but seems like i;m the only international one on my flat. *sigh*

and all of them are nursing students.

now, dont get any naughty ideas yeah, guys...

its going to be strange

the only one studying music
the only Asian- with strange cooking

i cannot imagine what they'll say when i make penang laksa or curry laksa or those brahim thingy that i brought over with me.

maybe they'll join me
maybe they'll avoid the kitchen totally

its been a mess the whole day, i;m glad i wasnt around for the most part of it. but now its the evening and everyone's checked into their rooms already- except for 2 students
the corridor's littered with something or other already. THANKFULLY, i;m on the end of the corridor and there's a fire door before u enter my side of corridors. so i;m kinda... separated from the bunch. just my room and the room opposite mine (which is still unoccupied)

so i;m trying to enjoy the peace and quiet as much as i can.

i;m sooooooo gonna appreciate living at the end of the corridor, away from rooms 1-7

now... just have to wait till Christmas when everyone's gone home and i'll have the whole flat to myself!!!!!

but til then,
i;ve got classes and studies.

*sigh*
gruesome

thus far in birm

2008-09-17T06:34:00.001+10:00

2 and a half days into birm and here's what i;ve done:

DAY half and 1

1. lugged luggage that weighs nearly as much as i do all across the airport, to taxi stand, to the front of campus, to my hall, up flights of stairs, into my room (not without some help from the nice security guy at campus)

2. missed the orientation shuttle bus to main campus and when i reached there by the next bus, the queue was about 100 metres long, snaking from the foyer, to the extended corridor, to the cafeteria.. and curling round half of the cafeteria.

3. exchanged lunch snacks with indian guy behind me- because he's vegetarian. some diet he's pledged himself to for a year because his wish was granted by hindhu god a week ago.

4. after a supremely long first day at orientation, i got my legs to walk 15 mins to Tesco, got my arms to carry a basket of toilet paper, laundry tablets, dishwashing liquid, sponge, shampoo, body wash, frozen pizzas, salad bowl, bunch of bananas, duvet, and duvet sheets; and then trekked back with all those items in bag and hand, up 2 flights of stairs to my room- down the far end of corridor.

5. and still after that, psyched myself to go out at 7pm to catch the shuttle for night programme "meet and greet for international students". turns out- i;m the only one from my campus that went..... maybe the rest were shy, maybe the caught the next bus, maybe they just dont care.

6. convinced the students at my table that if u say my name really really fast, it sounds like "piano"

DAY 2

6. took the bus into city, with map in hand not knowing where to stop the bus, reading road map as bus passed by, looking MOST touristy doing it

7. found my way! enrollment lady- whom i emailed extensively in february bugging her to get my audition results pronto- commented that i was not how she imagine me to look like. took one long look.... and didnt elaborate on that comment. (hmmm... i wonder *insecurity bites*), took a really dodgy student ID photo. i'm sure its the camera angle, how can she angle the webcam to look "down" at me?!!?!?! of course i;m going to look like a round 'pau' having to tilt up a little and smile. urgh!

8. strolled the city, initially following the map to find some banks, and once found i got brochures of different accounts. the banks are SO busy that its impossible to get any banking done for the next month or so. every international student is spread out over all the banks in the city.

9. continued to stroll, got Vodafone SIM, it has the same rate everywhere 20p per call, 10p per text. soooo expensive. and i;m on a pay as i go because i havent set up a bank account which would then automatically debit my account (thats actually a cheaper plan)

10. walked everywhere, turned down lanes that i fancy, most interested architectures, very pretty city, reminded me of Macau a little, stoned pavements and large walkways, some oldish architectural stuff, most part of the city centre is pedestrian only roads and they stretch quite a big area. big malls (note to self to do more detailed tours at a later date). eventually i just passed by buildings and places that i;ve read on the map having no idea how i managed to get myself there or how i;m going to get myself home.

11. especially loved St Phillips Cathedral. theres a big land space and all around it looks like a nice park, with benches and stuff, birds, green grass.. and then u start to notice the tombstones dotted around the place. grief! ppl can just 'accidentally' sit on one of these square stone blocks of things without knowing it! its not all typical tombstones.. most of them are coffin crate brick thingies (the long oblong ones), and some are small effigies of ppl who have died zillions of years ago...- well, i shouldnt be so shocked, it does belong to the cathedral. but its sooo public... bizarre. i want to go for Mass one day and see what its like.

12. next to it is road for main bus stops. got a bus back to halls (Trivia: it costs 3 pounds for a day saver ticket, able to sit on any bus, any time today)

13. worked out my new mobile number, got the room internet working (HOORAY!!), and after some time on the Net, ovenised my pizza and made a cup of green tea for dinner.

14. the internet decided to be dodgy because i restarted my comp

15. switched off comp totally because its pointless to on comp without internet (thats like wearing shower cap when u have no hair)

16. analysed bank leaflets and booklets i got ---- still no further from making decision but have narrowed down to Natwest and HSBC

17. took shower

18. cant turn off shower

19. got nervous

20. phoned security

21. aha.... they cant seem to turn it off either, they called plumber (or someone), my flat mate comes out to see what the commotion was when the plumber arrived. she lives in room 1 while i;m all the way at room 9 next to shower rooms. she looked baffled at what was happening.. perhaps slightly exicted at what was happening too!!

22. got internet working! (how fickle!)

blogged this. its really the only reason why i blog about my uneventful 2 days previously. i can't believe i;ve managed to botch the shower. i was using the other shower room two days ago but i thought i might just use this one just because i can. right? plus, its slightly bigger by about two footsteps (outside the shower i mean) so more room to towel up and all that. sigh... my flat mate must think i;m strange, i just get myself into all sorts.

she doesnt like oreos while i just seem to munch on them everytime i see her. (cant help it!!!!! timing is too good)

i dont know the way to tesco and she promised to bring me there

and the next u know, she sees me coming back from tescos with a mountain of things

and now, this shower incident.

she tells me: use the other one. dont worry if theres my stuff there, just chuck it!

me: uh..yes.. ok.. sure...

(not able to explain why i chose to use the other shower, or that i've always been using the good shower)

i can only imagine what she's going to tell her other faculty mates about me- i;ve met some of her friends so they kinda know me and have seen me before

i'm really having a good time, no major troubles at all, and overall a smooth transition into life at birm

just need to watch my knee. too much walking and carrying heavy things, my shoulders and arms have been aching since i left home,

i need chapstick

i need to "fix" myself before term starts and i'll have to practice hard core

the art of packing

2008-09-09T11:35:00.003+10:00

how do you pack your life into two bags?

let's see:

one bag for clothes

the other bag for shoes

no better yet:

one bag for cash

the other for shillings

how bout:

one bag for textile

the other bag for memorabilias

i'm having a dilemma

my limit is 30kg

and i figured i could bring lotsa things

i used to pack stuff for Australia into one luggage with 20kg limit

and i thought i was the SUPREME RULER when it comes to packing

i had clothes, shoes, bags, books, foodstuffs all in one bag

to last me through the semester

but now, with a 30kg limit i can bring more things right?

i decided on two luggages instead of one

and the end result, is me packing more and more things.

how am i to juggle between two luggages, a backpack and a violin?

for sure they'll weight just about as heavy as me

i intend to put the heaviest of bricks into my backpack

which could potentially make that backpack weigh 10 kgs?

i still havent finished my shopping list yet

i havent dreamed of an idea to squash the HEAVY and THICK winter jackets

sigh

why cant the school come to Malaysia?

wouldnt that be much easier?

oh Alan!

2008-08-24T19:11:00.007+10:00

who ever thought that Alan Tam would be like our no.1? by our.... i mean my mum and sis.

frankly, i wasnt bursting with excitement when my sis said she'll be playing for Alan Tam. for crying out loud, the man's older than my mum! and i;m not exactly keen to watch a 58-year old strut around on stage with fancy colourful costumes and listen to old man Cantonese chatter (of which i understand about 2%)

but a music career this far along is nothing to fart at and i;ve gotta respect the guy for tenacity and energy.

this obsession hasnt waned a bit and the only thing they can talk about is how young he looks! not that he has done any substantial face surgery (in my opinion) it still sags a little at the sides and neck too. and he's got sharp features. i must say, when i first saw the poster, i was a little dubious that he would look anything like the poster. i mean, the poster had this ridiculously young guy on it, with neat short hair and looking quite sharp in a white English suit thingy, with the typical bells and whistles and sparkles (very HK)

the crowd is not elderly as one would expect, there is a good deal of young career sorts there, babies, young children, and of course the oldies. i feel sorry for the babies and young kids who have to stay up past bedtime and having their ear drums blasted away through the night. i made a mistake of not bringing my ear plugs and had to spend the whole night sulking away with my finger in my ears, listening to songs that are older than me, watching an especially frisky couple sitting next to a couple with obvious disagreements as to whether Alan is worthy an idol.

after meeting him in person during the Birthday party (it was his bday), he seemed like a cool dude to me. Watching him in concert, i was thinking these fans have no idea what he's like when conversing, socialising with normal ppl, to see him interact personally, and have him know your name and things like that. they obviously think the world of him and are freakishly excited at seeing him in flesh after adoring from afar. But to think that I had a chance to be personally introduced, not as part of some commercial gimmick, not at a movie premiere, not a passing wave of hand, but as if i was supposed to be there.

i;m still pondering over the life of a celebrity and the awkwardness they must feel and yet the worry to live up to the demands of the fans. what is it like?

at the dinner table, he walks in to our private function room and everyone stands to congratulate him and all. he passes our table, acknowledges the musos, my sis.. eyes pass next to her which are me and mum... eyes widen "eh?"

sis: uh.. sister.... *gesture* .....

alan: oh! ni hao ni hao

sis: ahh.. my mother

alan: OHH! *walks over, shakes hand with mum* wahhh.. ni de nyuer hen li hai.. hen li hai...

(something of that sort.. that my sis plays the violin like some amazing virtuoso on stage.)

then announces to some waiting media that my sis is a recording artist on the violin- making it sound like we should all hit the record stores the moment we have the chance to.

heres some photos where u can see mum and sis just "glowing" to be next to him!

alan with my sister

alan with my mum

family picture

(mum's day-dreaming away)

think: swooning violin music

family picture take 2!

they were positively swooning coming back from the After Concert party. i could hear them a mile away before they reached the hotel room. "he's so handsome!" "yeah, so good looking hor?"
and this has been going on from the last saturday night to sunday night.. and i believe i'll be hearing more of it in the next few days.....*sigh*

if u notice closely, he only smiles when he takes picture with my sis. hmmph! if its me or my mum it'll be a closed lip smile, and thats a shame because his cheeks kinda sag a little so making his smile more like a sad smile. there's a pic of me and him, but i;m lazy to 90 degree turn it.

bah!

old haunts

2008-08-11T00:40:00.003+10:00

just when i am processing the return of my musical genius friend and finding myself inadequate in every way, another childhood being surfaced yet again- or more specifically surfaced again on page 3 of just the most circulated newspaper in msia.

she's 18, just finished her International Baccalaureate with the highest possible scores and is being offered to places like Princeton, Yale, Cambridge, and Imperial College. She will be studying mechanical engineering at MIT. AND she plays the violin very well and has travelled to many countries playing with the Asian Youth Orchestra. I also happen to know that she takes classes at the Royal College of Music while she's baccalaureating away and RCM has also joined in the fray and offered her a place to do music there. She speaks English, Malay, Mandarin, and French. btw, she's Muslim-Chinese. And she's interested in anything that moves fast but with an engine. geee.. i suppose that doesnt include gazelles or cheetahs. she wants to be Jean Todt someday- no, not French, just the supreme director of Ferrari.

now, i dont think i've elaborated enough when i say my musical genius friend is TRULY a semi-divine musical being. when i knew her, she played the piano, violin, guitar, flute, electone, composed music which got played in Japan along with other budding prodigies' compositions, did ballet, gymnastics... and goodness knows what.. performing brain surgery whilst writing her next symphony, probably. and this one can speak German, she;s Indian-Chinese. ever since i last saw her, she was winning piano competitions and playing with orchestras all over the world. did i mention she;s doing her MMUS at Juilliard? and she's 20.

is it me or is this sounding like some dodgy ad for a dating agency? or maybe, i could set up an experimental genetics lab. i;m sure there are many sponsors in the world who would like THE perfect baby and these young ladies are at the forefront of flawless genetic concoctions. yes they have good exotic looks. all i need is a name for my lab and i;ll be ready to go....

but anyway the point is this: i cannot trot along my ordained path without feeling like a complete mushroom! they make me feel inadequate in every way! perfect academics, scholarships and competitions won here and there, musically brilliant- not just any kind of brilliant. the kind when you were younger, you really knew they were special, and after 10 years they really and actually fulfill prophecy! prophecy that you hear from afar. stories of greatness that rarely exist in people's lives.

but here they are! right in my face, they came from the same soils as me, studied the same craft under the same master. granted we had different economic and financial backgrounds but.. i dont know... what am i missing??? there's a definite tip between scales here. i dont rank on the same level as these two girls. maybe its because i;m not a Chinese rojak something. i mean,,, i can see a pattern here. you cant be JUST chinese.. you've gotta be like.. Chinese plus something to be extraordinary.

i;m not academically brilliant, i'm not multi-talented, i'm not touring with orchestras around the world, nobody's tripping themselves up to offer me scholarships to study at their institutions- and in fact i felt like i was battling Goliath to get into Birm Con. worse still, i cant even speak Chinese properly! nobody's going around spreading the gospel of peiann: "have you seen her perform?" "she's one special player" "she's even better on the violin! you should check her out bla bla bla......" i mean nothing like that!

mother's opinions and her other influences dont count, of course.

and after all this rambling, i still have to be grateful for the things i have right? thats the right thing to do, the right attitude to have. i mean, imagine if i get into an accident the next day and injure my arm and it never ever feels the same again, and i'll always play thinking about the times when they were at my peak. thats certainly a way to be grateful... but that doesnt mean that i cant compare and see what distance i;m at. its unnatural to not feel challenged. these girls are reasonable challenge posts to place in my minds, logical reference points.

but even from this distance, i can see that i'm too late. the only way to go on now is to have courage to move on and make the best of things even knowing that there were many what ifs. i suppose, the only way to look is at future what ifs.

i'm even agonising over musical genius' comment on my facebook. "You played beautifully!"
Whats that supposed to mean? That the sound was beautiful but there were no mind-blowing-woah-howdidshedothat! acrobatics on the piano? Oh wait.. she's talking bout my playing.... okok.. playing.. hmm.. my fingers were pretty? my fingers showed a certain kind of softness thats enviable to the most graceful and elegant women? WHAT DOES SHE MEAN!?!?!?!? was it the music? the sound quality? the amplification of the piano was rather... odd.

i;m in a bit of a pickle.
sigh... she doesnt know the power she has over my thoughts.

EDIT: good gods! i think i've figured it out! she means that i;m playing like some air-head bimbo!!!! all looking fancy and things but no valuable CONTENT! there was no music!!!

the twist-over

2008-08-08T19:03:00.001+10:00

just about 90 minutes before the concert was to start, i trip on stairs and cut my lip open

got a nice bruise on the left shoulder- quite like the ones u get playing paintball

but other than that, i'm TERRRIIIFFIC!

i must say, i was rather excited watching my lip swell open and the insides turning into a purple yellow mass..... here was the moment: i was going to transform into Angelina Jolie! (her lips anyway)

but.. its not swelling the way i want. its like.. swollen on one side only. so now, i have to fall on my other side of the lip. and pretty soon, i;d be the clumsiest person... or i just might get addicted to that thingamathingy... u know.. those injection boosters for lips..

oh and then when i got to bed, i realised i must have landed awkwardly for my neck. its feeling a little... pushed. and.. and... my jaw isnt feeling too good. the left wisdom tooth had a good banging back into the depths of the jaw bone. its not pleased at being pushed back after its painful and lengthy squeeze to surface..dating back to several years ago.

thereare wonderful bumps on my leg from my fall, and they are not the kind of blue-black things. oh no, i really hit the bone of it, its risen up to the size of a 50cent lump.

but what have we achieved in all this pain?

a sold-out concert.

with good reviews from the audiences

mixed reviews from the players

and i met with my childhood friend from the ol Yamah days- we prob havent met each other since the millenium started! we were like best buddies every Friday night, got the chicken pox together, and were like ivory and ebony. that musical genius is now heading the Juilliard (yeah, where else in NY right?) i STILL feel like second fiddle next to her.

i;m sure she was cringing at some parts of my performance, and yawning at others, but otherwise, utterly sweet, polite, fun and just sheer brilliant. you just cant hate ppl who deserve all things good.

sigh i wish i was smarter.

the real brad pitt

2008-08-06T16:45:00.004+10:00

i read in the papers today that Brad Pitt is going to compete at Olympics!

he is representing Australia in boxing.

why on earth have i not known this before?!

and here i thought i was the expert on every brad pitt fact in the world.

what is this?

2008-07-17T22:00:00.001+10:00

there is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening,

that is translated through you into action

and because there is only one of you in all time,

this expression is unique

And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium

and will be lost

Martha Graham

spoilt

2008-07-07T21:22:00.003+10:00

on a night when there's a nail-biting Wimbledon men's final, Astro decides to punish me by putting Ocean's 13 on at the same time.

me: how can they do this? who do i choose now? brad pitt or nadal?
sister: *gives look* you mean, federer or nadal.
me: hmm..

and THEN! there's jamie oliver's pukka tukka too.
now, what's a girl gonna do?

sister: oh i say, Jamie Oliver la...

as much as i love nadal, a man who understands food tops everything but brad.

home

2008-07-02T23:08:00.001+10:00

i still can't reconcile to the weather back home.

the moment i walked out of the plane, i had dirt and hair stuck on my face (or, it felt like that).

when i blow my nose (cos i was still having flu), my mucus is slightly yellowish. either from me getting sicker, or that the air is really polluted.

i go to mamak, and i just couldnt stop thinking that the whole place is smoking. its an open air mamak but why is it so... blurry?

i havent gone on my weekday cycling in the evenings. dont exactly want to be SFP (subang fried pei-ann)

man... i just realised that sleeping with the air-con on is not good for my flu. i actually wake up with a stuffier nose, and dryer throat than when i went to sleep. maybe i;m just getting old, and cant recuperate like i;d normally be able to do in poor conditions.

but whats great about home is that,

food is in abundance in quantity and quality

there's the option of warm or cold air

i can drive!!!!!

i have internet and caesar (i'm 2 positions away from being caesar)

i've got such a big TV and the blessed Astro (esp at times when Wimbledon is on)

so what about the weather? we're not that polluted. no, really. you would THINK that we're polluted but i personally think its all that food we're cooking. malaysians are always cooking up a storm. and who can say no to food?

of air trips

2008-06-29T14:22:00.003+10:00

i positively think i'm jinxed with some delay curse.

i had a bris-wellington flight at 9am which was delayed 2 hours, making me miss my connecting flight to palmerston north. total travel time: 12 hours.

on the return trip to bris, auckland-bris was delayed 1.5 hours- frustrating me to no end because the gate number refuses to pop up, even when it was closing in on 3pm and the flight was supposedly at 3.50pm. The screens had destinations to Sydney, Christchurch etc. and one gate was flashing a flight to.... NADI.. hmm.. where;s that? maybe.. NOT ACTUAL DESTINATION, IDIOT! hahaha... nice to maintain some humour when i;m murderously mad.

turns out, that NADI-destined gate was eventually the gate i was going to board from. believably at 4pm, we still havent taken off. sighhhhhhhh......

upon landing at brisbane, i'd have to take the airtrain into city which comes only every 3o mins. 6pm-6.30pm-7pm. we landed at 6pm -not without some dramas. the girl sitting next to me had her phone on the whole time, and i wasnt aware of it until we were approaching brisbane. we're still over the sea but you can see land in the distance and suddenly her phone rang!

guy next to me: you're gonna blow us up, mate
girl next to me: yeah, i know.
(continues with text- a few times more)

after landing, we were holed up in the plane for about 20 mins more. after 10 mins an announcement came saying, the crew's getting our airbridge over. after the next 10 mins, the announcement was about the crew having to adjust the airbridge. grrrrrrr.....

finally, when i got out of the plane, i walked towards baggage claim..
and walked...
and walked....
man... could we have parked any further??? what are they trying to do to me??!@?!

i tell you, i went through customs and collected my bag, and went to scan and search in just under 5 mins- never before this quick. but as i was searching for my train station, the ticket guy just wouldnt layan me cos he's on the phone. and when he was done, i had about 1.5 mins to get the lift, go up one floor, drag luggage over the bridge (which just has to be uphill), just in time to see the train leave.

my last long haul was from bris-kl. to get home, i had to take the bus from LCCT-KLSentral (1hour), KTM to subang (30 mins), walking back from KTM station with 20kg luggage and 7 kg backpack (15mins and broken back)

the waiting in between at the customs lines (1 hour). thats another exhausting tale. just my luck the autogate rejected me and when i get into the manual line, the police officer who looked really quick in flashing msian passports, switched booths with his partner and suddenly i was on the "slow" lane. honestly, its so unbelievably slow! i know the queue was supremely long but if i quit my line and started from the end of the other lane, i would've gone through customs 5 times.

and just when it was my turn, a nice family of 4 jumped in front of me. how dare they! jumping queues like its still the stone age. i could've screamed, but hey, who's going to bother about this teenage bum in baggy pants and bulgy backpack, prob looking like a ragtag of a person. and mind you, they didnt even take like 10 secs to flash 4 passports. they took an age as well.

its highly unpleasant to travel.

mac love

2008-06-02T16:11:00.002+10:00

two all-beef patties, special sauce,
lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions,
on a sesame seed bun

can you say that in 4 secs?
get a free big mac

i should've gotten big mac and a half.
then maybe i'd have gotten a butt and a half more.

decaying

2008-05-22T13:00:00.001+10:00

morendo
calando
perdendosi

slow, painful death.

blokes with the H-factor

2008-05-14T20:07:00.004+10:00

Horton: what's lighter than a feather??.... AIR! so it stands to reason *inhale* that the more air i have in me *inhale* the lighter i'll be! *inhale*

this guy knows how to cheat the scales, if not size.

Homer: you know what Moe, I don't think i'll have a drink today. I'm having a date with my WIFE tonight!

this guy prioritises in his life!

Harry:
this one performs his royal duties

and.. HOT PITT:
this one performs his civil duties

who else did i miss out?

olympic relay

2008-05-04T14:57:00.007+10:00

man... when was this? 21 april 2008. on a blistering hot malaysian afternoon at Dataran Merdeka- Independence Square. sorry, i hadnt had time to update, neither the inspiration too. the run was supposed to leave from Dataran Merdeka to Merdeka Stadium, and then... KL Tower, and then KLCC. sounds like a simple plan but trust me, its not when regular traffic is applied to the roads.

the crowds waiting for the blessed torch

i cant believe i was actually EARLY for the event. 2.15pm

the speeches were JUST about to start

and i was already sweating profusely from walking from the LRT station to DM

papaji here- crowd control. but i refused to budge, i stood my ground.

i'm short, but another lady reporter next to me was even shorter. poor thing...

our signal is when the lion dance goes on. because we're not near the stage

we dont know whats happening and its too hot to bother to listen to what the MC

is saying.

okok... its coming.. its coming

THERE!

and then it's gone. just like that! zip!

and then i walked along with the entourage... its supposed to be a run
but seems that my fitness level is the same as the elephantine of a crowd
and for about 400 metres i was all gungho following the police vans and all
and then, i fell behind, helping this GIRL to take a picture...
a good deed is never returned....

anyway, i lost the crowd, and now decided i wasnt REALLY going to follow
the torch all the way up to KL Tower and all that
so i took a train into KLCC and waited till 6.30pm which was the ETA for the last leg
by 6pm it was raining already, so i stayed inside kinokuniya
and squeezed myself between some postcard stands and got a window ledge

to cut the long story short, the torch FINALLY arrived
if u can zoom in and see the torch bearer and policemen running on the bridge
behind the fountain

off the bridge, heading towards the next torch bearer

the passing of flame

hooray!
the event went off without any incidences
ohhh.... bad headahce after that.
fighting with the mad crowds on the LRT
the KTM was surprisingly alright.

i realize malaysians DO try their best to be part of the world drama. tibetan protesters? yeah.. wannabes. there were some One China, One Nation groups, banners, but i suppose we try hard to be at strife. tee hee hee. HELLO!!! we're Malaysians. our society is the epitome of multiculturalism. we had to try hard to be brutal.

a timely question

2008-04-27T18:22:00.001+10:00

the chronicles of fame

2008-04-20T14:33:00.008+10:00

now, what is it with me and malaysian stars? i've become star-strucked! i can hardly believe myself.. mua... star-struck? i'm more self-composed than this, and i'll be damned if i turn up like the fan freaks who spend months creating banners for their idols, and sleeping by the side of the road just to get the best positions for the red carpet walkdown... ok, maybe i'm taking this a little too far by comparing myself to harry potter fans who line the barriers praying on every divine power that dan radcliffe would walk past them much less smile at them.

no, really. i would never dream of doing that.

although........ i WOULD be in uk by the time hp6 comes out...........and i could............

NO! *squish that thought*

the problem is this: its easy to get caught up with the hype of media, the possiblity that u could be this close to a shining star. its easy to see the lure, the charm of it. absolute adoration, instant recognition, the ability to make people pay attention to you, possibly endless offers of resources so you can perform your work at your best, and best of all, having a group of solid loyal believers who trust in you in your work and willing to defend you at your worst moments.

i wonder if fans exist because secretly they long to be like their star. by preserving their star's image and popularity, they indirectly preserve their own dreams. well, our impression of them is flawless, no? they are (almost always) beautiful, well-spoken, funny, polite, charming and can sing/act/dance well. they almost seem too good to be true. and isnt it what we wish we can be? we want to be perfect. well, i want to marry brad pitt, but i have to be an angelina jolie first, or at least a jennifer aniston, right?

forget that its the media air-brushing them on magazine covers, forget that they've got the best plastic surgeons only because they have the best resources, forget that they have a great PR person designing their image. they had to have something valuable inside of them that could've brought them to all of this first---that core, the talent, that special juice that just makes fat and sugar into ice-cream. what is it? can it be taught? can it be earned?

now, on a lighter note, let me paint you a picture of a fan in the same room with a popular singer.
fan enters auditorium, spots singer from up the stairs, singer is talking to some ppl and fan smartly decides not to interrupt although backpack containing prized photo, silver pen, and camera seem to weigh a little heavily on conscience. fan heads over to orchestra pit to get to work. now that singer is here, there was rehearsing to be done.

fan thinking: sigh... this is taking too long to get everyone together to rehearse. i could've gone over, gotten autograph, gotten picture, prob a dozen or two by now...actually, i could sneak over there, grab a pic, and none would be wiser at me missing- its not like its the actual show. plus, we are not even starting although we're all seated somehow waiting for ppl with headphones to wire their brains properly into shouting "10 seconds, 9,8,7,6,...." ...urghh frustrating

i have to get it done now. during rehearsal or else i wont see her later after the concert anymore.
its now or never. i must. i must.. i must... she's not even wearing makeup! if anytime's the time to take picture, its today, now!

whoops... practice time.

(after rehearsal)
singer making move to exit place, with some other randoms going over to get picture, and still talking to other colleagues. fan tethers on the edge between being cool-and-collected and just DYING to rush over and take damn picture!!!! why are no other musicians in the band getting an itch to take picture with singer?

fan stands up: NO PAIN NO GAIN! (puffs out chest, with determination, grabs backpack, heads across the stage to her and passing entourage.. well, just her and assistant.)
singer in mid conversation, walking towards exit. fan politely waits till conversation finishes. wait a minute.. is she talking to juwita suwito!!? nvm, focus focus!!!

fan: woah..uh, wait, excuse me. can i.. can i get your ottergaffe? ahem.. can i get your autograph, please? *inwardly dying of excruciating embarassment for lack of articulation*

singer: sure. (and please, its in that tone that hovers somewhere between puzzled and wary- no winning wattage of a smile, no 'glad that SOMEONE, ANYONE AT ALL' wanted autograph)

singer gives fan a once-over, perhaps trying to spot for a CD cover, perhaps fervently wishing this fan wasnt a weirdo that wanted autographs on body parts and such. maybe singer was tired of the fame charade. weirdness is norm for a famous personality.

fan opens backpack, brown envelope, passes silver pen, takes out blown up picture of fan and singer together- NOT at compromising positions! watch your mind there... -

singer: ohh...
fan: this was from ABP, if you remember
singer: yes yes i remember, during one of the rehearsal breaks. hmm..

singer proceeds to write: w-i-t-h- *heart*....
singer signs in long languishing curves
meanwhile, fan takes opportunity to joke: but we look like we dah dilarutkan dalam air sireh la
singer: hahaha yea.. it was the lighting ya........ what is your name?
singer proceeds to do a personalized autograph.

fan: thanks! thank you very much!
singer: no problem, you're welcome.

now, although fan didnt get a picture of singer, clearly the autograph was more important. fan already had a picture, although looking like a pink kuih lapis with a long shaggy hairdo.

its amazing, when you are a fan you dont consider their faults as any transgression.
for example: unlike any other artiste, this singer doesnt turn up for rehearsals, not even the full dress run. only turns up on the afternoon of the night show to rehearse with musicians. and even then, the band that got in before her and were midway setting up had to stop and give way for singer to rehearse her song first- and that didnt even happen immediately, as narration above would suggest.

diva? sure, if you hate her. but then again, she cant help being great at what she does and looking pretty; therefore resulting in her being super famous. she takes these measures because she can afford to not rehearse and still be brilliant. PLUS, its better for her own privacy to avoid unneccesary public exposure as much as she can; lest she be mobbed by hundreds of fans such like the above.

one flaw that singer cant redeem: the fan noticed singer wasnt that articulate at answering questions posed by the red carpet host.
fan distinctly remembers what someone told fan earlier: "during an interview once, an interviewer asked her what magazines singer reads. her answer: cleo and vogue. her pronounciation: see-leo and vo-gee"

horror of horrors!
but wait a minute... the news may have been blown outta proportion. true, she's not a gifted linguist, she's just a girl from the country who had the best voice in the whole nation. so fan forgives...... but doesnt forget.

suddenly, camera zooms into her face. her eyes bore into the camera. and the volume in the chatter of the auditorium ups. those eyes.

i have forgotten.

of bananas, dance, and siti

2008-04-11T18:43:00.004+10:00

weirdometer test:

1. recently i bought a bunch of fat, long bananas and found that there are seeds in some of them. bananas and seeds? but i swallowed it, seeds and all because its just banana seeds right? not like papaya seeds. and my Grade 5 science knowledge tells me that bananas grow from their own tree barks.

2. have u come across siamese bananas? these guys have 2 bodies wrapped in one skin. mum says i shouldnt eat it unless i intend to get twins later in life..... the same goes for eggs with two yolks. its unfair! guys dont have this problem. they can eat whatever morphed-looking-seedy-stuff and still have gorgeous healthy babies in life- that is IF the lady doesnt go on eating morphed-looking-seedy-stuff. but really, i'd rather risk potassium deficiency over having twins.

3. ok...the scariest of all: my mum;s been line-dancing to songs like "Sexyback" and "Dont Cha". i mean, its Timberlake and Pussycat Dolls. what on earth are they teaching poor innocent old women these days?!! shouldnt they be dancing to square songs from ABBA and the dark ages? (well, she is.)

but my point is... Sexyback featured in a line dancing class? its really bringing the sexy "back"- a few zamans too far.

ooo... look. red people.

i need to diet

ibetter yet, just photochop.

thats what technology is for, not to improve your health, just your image.

old friends chatter

2008-04-05T14:40:00.003+10:00

A: hello.. are you there?!?!

(hours later)
N: ashley... you MSN me at 6.30am, where la i will be there??
N: pantai and subang merged, so we can meet at church
N: we should catch up.. we got lots to talk

(hours later)
A: ohhh... but i'll only be back end of aug, and by then you'll be back in Aus again
A: anyway, how've you been?

(hours later)
N: well... thats what i have to tell you. i'm still in msia. i'll be in UK this sept

(moments later)- when we have aligned in time and space
A: what..really?!!
A: where?
N: birmingham
A: woww... i'll be in london!!! you can visit me aaaanytime! =D
N: aiyo.. we dont even visit each other in MALAYSIA
N: ... but OK! :D

N: we should meet up, i dont think i've seen you face-to face in about 3 million years
A: ehh no la. i saw you christmas, one time, you were playing the piano... i still remember!
N: aduhai... what zaman was that?

..........
..........
..........
..........

(never underestimate the power of childhood friends. the connection was just reestablished)

happy april fool's day!

2008-04-01T19:42:00.000+10:00

nnyuhhh!

where does

2008-03-31T23:16:00.002+10:00

where does unbelievable sadness go to?

to white hairs, to creating a bald spot, to the unnamed muscle that tugs your heart all the way down to the bottom of your soul.

surely not to tears that never seem to end, too tangible, too easily covered, too easily cured that it cannot be of indescribable sadness. a gulp of water and the knot is released from your throat, you breathe easier.

how do you channel it out? what energy is emotion that makes it so hard to be contained, labelled, and sent away?

perhaps we could tune our little antennaes to be more receptive to this energy around us, then we would know exactly how what we are dealing with. then maybe, the world WILL go down the dumps.

knowledge is so hurtful.

votemaniclection

2008-03-06T23:48:00.005+10:00

the website of http://www.riseabove.com.my/ should come with a warning not only for under 18s but also for potential hypnotism. i always disable the sound of the website cos its annoying and unmusical, without depth and meaning.

but oh my goodness... today i realised how effective it was in keeping me glued to my laptop, the repetition just made me chuggle along without realising how much time has passed, how tired my back is, or how many times i must've mispelt 'christinaang'. its so... timeless. and its turning my brain into marshmallow. *puff*

and while my brain is still form the coherent thoughts i must talking about coming up elections to mass publicity that reads mute not thyself.

lets jump straight off the block:
elections never a pleasant thing. Malaysia has a very young democracy, this is our 12th GE, and we havent changed parties since we were independent. that says a few things (and a lot more between the lines):
1. we never thought of change, we're doing alright
2. we did but were too lazy to be involved in the development of a new party
3.
..... the yes and no varies subtly with every camp till there is no clear boundary.

there's whispers (and many shouts) of voting for the opposition camp ---- let's be frank.
and let ME be honest, as well. i have completely no idea how election season feels like. i grew up not too much bothered about the world but only me. i do not know how presidents negotiate with other countries, i do not know the protocol held by people in power; how do their minds work, how do their engines run, what customs do they follow.

In essence, what is the tradition of authority.

i am a new born addition to world culture, society and lifestyle. nothing and everything gives me the right to speak my mind. i'll take a stab in the dark about how i feel on our elections and no pointers for who to vote:

1. 12 years old is the start of adolescence and growing pains. the time is right for our elections to be this worrisome for the first time in.... a long time.... that is, after you pass the Terrible Twos stage in 1969.. or was that Terrible Threes?

2. the foul weather that has corrupted our days since the week has started could be due to some parties resorting to bomoh magic, preventing the masses from attending ceramahs held by other parties at wide open parks.

3. should free press truly prevail in malaysia, we'd be a wrecking mess. our tradition and culture doesnt allow for it. I for one would feel like Dobby, frightened and excited at calling 'Dumbledore' a barmy old codger.

4. the fact that opposition parties hasnt merged to form for example: PAS-DAP-PKR is proving to me the inability of their promises for racial equality. as much as i understand differenciation of race and colour, i cannot, and must not further consider Malaysians in such categories. dont we all walk the same earth and breathe the same air? but that doesnt mean to say, Buddy dog deserves the same rights.

5. can we have a little sunshine in ominous election seasons? grandma of 89 is nominating herself for the elections too. self belief is all the encouragement we need to shake things up. but what good are "mosquito parties" (to borrow the term)?

6. psychic tells the future using bodily signs like: oh, i;m sprouting boils, this must mean..etc.
i must say, my thumb has been unconsciously jerking away the past 2 days... kinda like when your eye bag bounces away and you cant help it. could this be a sign of......... Parkinsons.

*sigh*